


the night could last forever

by orphan_account



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Drunkenness, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, M/M, Mutual Pining, New York City, Past Drug Use, Underage Drinking, freshman/senior crush, reddie after high school, reddie in high school, richie is four years older because i said so, richie tozier gets sober & clean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21592465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A scoff escaped Richie’s lips. “Trust me, there are better places than New York City. This place is a bit of a shithole.” He locked eyes with Eddie, and spoke softly. “But it’s better than Derry.”Eddie smiled up at Richie, blushing quite feverently. “Y-yeah, it is.”God, Eddie thought, after all these years and he’s still able to make me weak in the knees, huh? Pull yourself together, Kaspbrak.Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier are four years apart, meeting during freshman and senior year, respectively. They have a tumultuous friendship (along with the rest of the losers) that ends when Richie leaves for college. A few years later, they meet in New York City, only to realize that they were never friends, even from the beginning. The story is split between Derry in 2015 and New York City in 2019.title of the fic is from the song "after hours" by the velvet underground***DISCONTINUED PERMANENTLY***
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris
Comments: 48
Kudos: 94





	1. how could i ever forget you

**Author's Note:**

> hello everybody!
> 
> chapter title is from "the beat of my heart" by foreigner because I love foreigner and they have great music.
> 
> inspired by the many fics i have read this past week  
> anyway, i hope you enjoy!!

New York City 2019

Eddie always enjoyed how the leaves change color in the autumn. From dazzling green to bright hues of red and orange, the palette of Central Park changed with the season. He was taking a morning stroll through the massive park, enjoying the vibrant landscape. It was a bit chilly, but not cold enough that he couldn’t manage it. 

He watched little kids run around the park, with doting parents in tow, making sure to tell their children not to play too far off the trail. He saw couples stride through the trees, holding hands, muttering in quiet, calm tones to each other. Huge groups of tourists moved like herds of animals through the garden, snapping pictures here and there. Joggers, moms with strollers, and annoyed New Yorkers taking an impromptu shortcut all passed Eddie too. His mother was wrong. New York was a beautiful city, not a festering disease wasteland. At that moment, Eddie decided he loved New York City, just to spite his mother.

Edward Kaspbrak had just moved to New York City at the innocent age of 18. It was the biggest decision of his life, but the first decision that actually felt right. Finally, he was away from the clutch of his overbearing mother. His abusive mother. Eddie grabbed his arms and held them tight to his chest, cringing when memories of his mom flooded over him. Derry would always follow Eddie like a shadow, hovering in every dark corner and crevice, ready to launch an attack against him. It was the place where he was born and raised, but it would never be his home. Never. 

As Eddie continued to walk through the park, he noticed that the sky was starting to become gray, as dark storm clouds merged together above him. He then wondered if it was going to rain, and he was given quite the immediate answer. A droplet of water splashed against his left cheek, then his shoulder, startling Eddie, and making him realize that he didn’t bring an umbrella. 

_Stupid,_ he thought, when suddenly, the rain stopped falling on him. But, it was still falling, quite clear from the sidewalk in front of him. He glanced to his right and saw a man looking down at Eddie, holding an umbrella over both their heads.

He was quite handsome, with unruly black hair framing his face, and large glasses sitting atop his nose. The man had on easy blue jeans, a brown overcoat, and wore a navy blue shirt with some abstract logo on it. His chocolate brown eyes made Eddie blush a little bit, but not enough to notice. 

The man smiled at Eddie and spoke, his voice rough, but charming. “Why didn’t you bring an umbrella, dipshit?”

Eddie was startled at his harsh language and scrunched his face up. “Well, I didn’t know it was going to rain today!”

The man stared at him with fake bewilderment. “How the fuck did you not know? It was so fuckin’ cloudy this morning! Are you blind or something? You’re lucky I’m such a nice fucking guy.”

Eddie stared at the man and scowled up at him. “I don’t even fucking know you, dude.”

The man looked genuinely hurt for a second but quickly covered it up with a smirk. “Come on Eds, you know me.”

Eddie looked deeply into his eyes, and his identity flashed into Eddie’s brain so violently, it was like someone smacked him in the head. “Richie fucking Tozier.”

It was crazy how much the man in front of him had changed. Eddie had always remembered Richie as lanky and awkward, with huge-ass glasses that made his eyes look ten times bigger. The Richie standing in front of him now looked more refined, like he had a better grip on the world. God knows Trashmouth needed a better outlook on life.

Richie smiled, glad to be recognized. “You know it spaghetti. I knew you would remember. Even if I was a senior and you were a freshman. People just don’t forget _me._ And especially not you, Eds.”

A light chuckle escaped Eddie’s mouth. “Don’t call me that.”

“Okay, bucko.” Richie’s eyes lit up at Eddie’s remark. Some people never change, even in a world that is constantly under development and transformation. Richie was so happy to see that Eddie left his mom, but he wondered what caused Eddie to finally leave the woman who manipulated him for years and years. You don’t just leave Derry without a reason.

“So, what brings you to the big apple?” Richie asked, trying on a persona of nonchalance.

“Oh, uh, well, I just wanted a change of pace from… Derry. And I thought, what better than New York City?” Eddie adjusted his watch nervously and raked his fingers through his hair.

A scoff escaped Richie’s lips. “Trust me, there are better places than New York City. This place is a bit of a shithole.” He locked eyes with Eddie and spoke softly. “But it’s better than Derry.”

Eddie smiled up at Richie, blushing quite feverently. “Y-yeah, it is.”

 _God,_ Eddie thought, _after all these years and he’s still able to make me weak in the knees, huh? Pull yourself together, Kaspbrak._

But Eddie couldn’t help but admire Richie Tozier. He was one of the most popular kids in school, beloved by all for his shitty jokes and his loveable personality. Also, his rager parties that would go on all night. And his hot girlfriend, Beverly Marsh. There had been some rumors that their relationship wasn’t actually real, and was only for show. How Eddie wanted that to be true, but he’d accidentally witnessed a couple of their make-out seshes, so he knew that rumor wasn’t accurate.

Richie was Eddie’s so-called “gay awakening”, his first love, although completely one-sided. The senior probably viewed Eddie as his little brother, someone to protect and give advice to about girls. If only Richie knew how Eddie felt, how much he daydreamed about interlocking their hands and going for a stroll around the city at midnight. About running away from Derry with him. About both of them falling in love with each other, and not caring what other people thought or said because it would just be the two of them against the world. The two of them until the end of the line. That’s all Eddie’s ever wanted. To be with Richie.

Of course, when Richie left Derry after he graduated, to pursue his dream of becoming a stand-up comedian, he did not take Eddie with him. He didn’t even say goodbye. So, Eddie shoved all his feelings for Richie deep, deep down, and decided he wouldn’t even shed a single tear over the Trashmouth asshole. And that’s what he did for the remainder of high school, and what he’s still currently doing. But, seeing Richie in Central Park, after what had felt like so many years, had put a crack in the dam. Seeing Richie so grown-up and relaxed made Eddie feel like shit because it confirmed Eddie’s theory that Richie didn’t need him, and he never would.

Richie noticed the younger man’s deep blush but wasn’t put off by it. He smirked. The blush confirmed Richie’s working theory, which was Edward Kaspbrak had a big, fat crush on Richard Tozier. Richie, of course, noticed all of Eddie’s too-long stares and pink cheeks when they were younger. 

A senior at the time, he knew confessing his love for a freshman wouldn’t be good for his reputation, so Richie also shoved his feelings deep, deep down. In order to lose all romantic feelings for Eddie, he got a girlfriend, drowned himself in excessive amounts of alcohol, and moved to fucking New York, a place where he never expected Eddie to show up. Why would Eds want to live in one of the nastiest places on Earth? That was a question Richie, even science, couldn’t answer.

The taller man adjusted his hand on the umbrella. “So, Eds, do you want to join me for dinner tomorrow night?” Richie asked this very nonchalantly, making sure to hide his growing smile.

Eddie stared blankly up at Richie, blinking his large, doe eyes. Richie loved when he made Eddie speechless, for whatever reason. Whether it was a dumb joke, a weird sexual explanation, or that one time when Richie walked into school wearing a tuxedo for a practical joke. He’d never seen Eddie turn a deeper shade of red when Richie winked at him in the halls while wearing that get-up.

Richie continued. “You know, it’ll be a way for us to catch up. For you to tell me how many _ladies_ you got during high school.” He wiggled his eyebrows up and down. 

Rolling his eyes, Eddie responded. “I guess so, fuckface. But if you even say or do one wrong thing, it’s _over_.”

Richie held up his hand defensively. “I promise I will not say or do anything wrong. I even said that to your mother in my vows when we got married last week, so you know it’s true”

The shorter man whacked him in the head.

“OW, hey, what the hell man?” 

Eddie cackled at Richie’s response, throwing his head back and clutching his stomach. 

_Fuck, I am in love with this man,_ Richie thought.

Slipping his hand into Eddie’s pocket without permission, Richie grabbed his phone and began to type in his number. He then texted himself on Eddie’s phone so Richie could have Eddie’s number too. Sure, Richie could’ve just asked Eddie for his number, but Richie liked making the younger man uncomfortable. He forgot just how much he enjoyed it as he slipped Eddie’s phone back into Eddie’s pocket.

Eddie turned his head slightly when Richie did this, purposefully avoiding eye contact with the taller man. He knew how much Richie loved to intimidate and unnerve him. And Eddie couldn’t deny that he loved it too.

“So, I’m thinking this cute Italian place at 8 tomorrow night. I’ll text you the address.” Richie looked down at Eddie expectantly while he proposed this.

The shorter man nodded up at him. “Sounds like a plan.”

They stared at each other for a bit, taking in the moment and committing it to memory, both afraid the feeling would be lost if they didn’t remember everything. So many words were unspoken between them, more than they realized. Everything they had done had led to this moment in time, to this exchange of words between two people that were meant for each other. Because in every universe, across every plane of existence, Richard Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak would always find each other. No matter what. That’s something the universe knew. And the two men knew it too.

_BEEP_

_BEEP_

_BE-_

The ringing of Richie’s phone broke their trance, as he reached into his pocket and answered the call.

“Yeah, what the hell do you want man?” Richie shouted accusatorily.

Eddie heard muffled yelling on the other side, annoyance clear in the person’s voice.

“Okay, yeah, y-yeah, I get it, I do. I swear I’ll be there soo- _No,_ _man, let me handle it.”_ With a quiet beep, Richie ended the phone call and groaned in frustration.

“I’m sorry Eds, that was my manager.” Richie’s eyes melted as he looked down at Eddie, not wanting to leave him. His original plan was to walk with him a bit more through the park, but the universe decided it had something else in store. Figures. “I need to leave right now. I really wish I could stay bu-”

“It’s fine, Rich, really...it is.” Eddie’s mouth became a straight line as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. He glanced up at Richie and gave him a quick smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

Richie smiled back down at him. “Right.”

And with that, Richie left holding his Marvel-themed umbrella, through the wet foliage of Central Park and onto the grimy streets of New York City.

Eddie watched Richie leave until he was out of sight, the rain pouring down on him, soaking his hair and jacket. He tilted his head towards the sky and closed his eyes. Derry would always follow him, no matter how much Eddie ignored it. You just can’t run from your own shadow.


	2. the gift of memories, an awful curse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a flashback of Derry 2015 involving all of the losers except Bev and Stan (don't worry, they come in later). also henry, patrick and their gang are in the chapter too.  
> WARNING: a bit of homophobic language, light violence, bullying, talking about abuse in a demeaning way, angsty shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from "Stable Song" by Death Cab for Cutie.  
> the song actually works really well for reddie.  
> also this chapter is a 1000 words longer than the last one, ayyy.  
> i hope you guys enjoy!

Derry 2015

_Run._

That was the only word on Eddie’s mind as he raced through the town of Derry with Henry Bowers and his gang hot on Eddie’s trail. Maybe a few choice curse words too. Each step he made on the bumpy pavement ran a shudder through Eddie’s body. He had never felt fear like this in his life, and he was _always_ scared. Henry and his friends would kill Eddie, and he knew it. So, he ran.

Before all of that, Eddie was casually sauntering down the steps of Derry High School, finally free from the _awful_ first week of school. No teenager in their right mind wanted to be friends with the scrawny, asthmatic, hypochondriac kid, so Eddie kept to himself. He ate alone at lunch, at the table in the back corner where he could watch cars pass by. Eddie ignored the whispers of other kids as they passed him in the halls. In class, he picked a seat in the middle row towards the back of the classroom. Instead of socializing with peers, he doodled in his notebook, always keeping his head down.

Only one person made any contact with him during that week in school.

“Okay, everyone, _please_ flip to page _eight_ and work with your partner to complete the following problems.”

Eddie looked up from his notebook to watch the teacher write down a handful of math problems on the whiteboard. He flipped his textbook to the specific page and wrote down the problems, hoping his partner didn’t want to work with him. His partner did _not_ get that message.

A moment passed as the boy next to Eddie shifted in his seat to face him.

“Hey there, I’m Mike. Mike Hanlon.” A hand stuck itself out towards Eddie, ready to be shaken.

Tediously, Eddie shook the boy’s hand and looked him in the eye. He had dark skin and kind eyes, and he wore a soft smile that could calm even the most blood-driven war generals in history.

“I’m Eddie… Kaspbrak.”

Mike gave a warm chuckle. “Well, it’s nice to meet you.”

He gave off an aura that reminded Eddie of autumn. Wearing a light red and orange flannel shirt, he looked like he should be working out in the country, and not in a math class under tacky, fluorescent lights. His eyes twinkled like stars out in the middle of nowhere, where planets and galaxies could be seen. Where light pollution had not yet touched the midnight sky. 

Eddie smiled back at him, a rare occurrence at school. “Uh… you too.”

The two boys began to work on their math problems together, muttering here and there when they didn’t quite understand something. If a random person were to watch them work together, they would’ve guessed the two boys had been friends for a while. Their fluid motions mirrored each other in the most delicate way. As delicate as two teenagers could be.

“So,” Mike began, trying to make small talk with Eddie, “you’re a freshman, right?”

Eddie nodded silently.

“Cool. I’m a sophomore.”

Eddie didn’t say anything and focused on the math problems like they were giving him oxygen to breathe.

“You must be pretty smart to be in a sophomore math class as a freshman. I remember when I was younger, I _sucked_ at math. Last summer, I finally got my shit together and got a tutor.” Mike turned away and smiled like he was laughing at a joke he just remembered. “Getting a tutor changed my _life_.”

Placing his pencil down, Eddie leaned back slightly in his chair and crossed his arms. He looked down at his notebook proudly.

“Damn,” he heard Mike say, “you’re fast.”

Eddie just smiled. 

“You need to meet one of my… friends,” Mike remarked. “His math skills rival yours.”

Eddie looked up at Mike with a surprised face. The older boy almost laughed at the look on his face. “I… I’d like that.”  
“Yeah, come find me on Monday, at lunch. Some of my friends and I sit behind the bleachers.” Mike gave Eddie a genuine smile. 

“I-I’ve… never been invited to anything… at _all._ ” Eddie’s peered down at his shoes, blushing a bit. “Thank you.”

Their eyes met as the bell rang. Screeches of chairs and boisterous voices soon filled the school as thousands of kids filed out of classroom doors and towards the oncoming weekend.

“See ya later Eddie,” he heard Mike say as he got up out of his desk. “Don’t get yourself into any trouble.”

Eddie chuckled. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Henry Bowers was leaning against a tree in the front of the school, gripping a pack of cigarettes in his pocket that he stole from his dad. A lighter was in the other pocket of his jeans, snatched from the liquor store a few days prior. He was no stranger to being a menace towards Derry. Henry Bowers drove around town in his shitty Trans-Am acting like he owned _every_ square inch of land. In a way, he did, being the son of a respected cop. A cop that abused his son until Henry was nothing but a psychotic, animal-abusing, racist piece of _shit_. Henry might’ve been the bully in this story, but… he was the victim in his own.

Henry Bowers was scanning the crowd of kids leaving school, looking for the perfect target. His eyes fell upon a skinny kid wearing a pink polo, his hands shoved deep in his jacket pockets, eyes darting everywhere like something was about to launch an attack on him. Henry knew this type well. Kids that acted like this were the victims of abuse before they finally broke. Henry loved to be the one who finally tore these kids apart, ripping them at already loose seams. 

“Hey, Patrick, look at this one.” Henry nudged the arm of a lanky guy with shaggy, black hair that fell into his eyes.

Patrick squinted as he eyed up the boy Henry was pointing at. He smiled. “Perfect,” he murmured.

Henry let out a breathy cackle, his eyes alive with rage. “Go around and start the car. Bring it to the front.” He started to advance towards the kid and turned his head back to look Patrick in the eye. “We’re gonna run his scrawny ass _down._ ”

Two guys were blocking Eddie’s bike, talking in a loud manner and not caring about their immediate surroundings. The one on the left was taller, with bright blue eyes and a relaxed look on his face. He was talking to a guy about the same age as him but bigger, who was clutching a tightly-bound black notebook with brightly colored post-it notes sticking out of it. They were engaged in a deep conversation, one born out of junior depression and a huge lack of sleep. 

Eddie didn’t want to interact with them, so he looked to the right, glancing across the front lawn of the school. He saw a guy power-walking towards him, wearing a menacing look that screamed _“DANGER”_ . Eddie didn’t know what to make of this, but his brain started producing adrenaline, making him go a _little_ haywire.

“MOVE OUT OF THE WAY ASSHOLES! I NEED MY BIKE!” Eddie screamed at the two boys in front of him, who stopped their conversation to gape at him.

“Don’t fuckin talk to _us_ like that, you little shit. Who do you think you _are_ , talking to _us_ like _that_?” The taller boy said, pointing his finger at Eddie.

The guy on the right forced the other’s hand down with a pained expression. “Calm _down_ Bill.” 

“What if I don’t _want_ to _calm down_ , _Ben_.” The guy on the left huffed.

Ben smiled kindly at Eddie. He must’ve thought Eddie was a little crazy because of the abrupt yelling, which was fair. “I’m sorry kid, we’ll move out of your way.” 

Eddie noticed the man on his right still moving towards him, reaching for something in his pocket. That’s when his fight or flight response kicked in. I’m guessing you know what happened next. 

Edward Kaspbrak ran, and fast, and Henry Bowers chased him. A game of cat and mouse had begun.

Eddie was never allowed to go outside and play with the other kids when he was younger. His mother prohibited it, fearing her precious Eddie Bear would scrape his knee and contract an infection or trip and break his arm. Sonia’s mind would think of a million different reasons to keep Eddie inside, safe in her arms. And Eddie never argued with his mom, because she knew what was best for him… right? 

Henry let out a few whoops while running after Eddie, before Patrick and his gang came screeching around the corner in his car. The bully hopped in the passenger seat, letting Patrick take the wheel.

“We’ve got a runner, boys!” Henry yelled, hitting the dashboard as Patrick stepped on the gas pedal, the car lurching forward, speeding after Eddie.

It became harder for Eddie to breathe as he ran harder, zipping down the streets of Derry. Any strangers who saw the chase thought it was some kind of game, and not a chase laced with malice intent.

“YOU BETTER RUN, YOU DIRTY LITTLE FAGGOT!” Henry screamed, gaining on Eddie, who was slowly running out of energy.

He took a sharp left and ran himself into an alley, but before he could back out, his assailants pulled in, blocking the only exit.

The alley was dark and dirty, with leaky pipes sticking out of the neighboring buildings and a thick layer of grime covering the pavement.

Eddie’s eyes opened wide, fear pooling deep in his gut. A choked sound escaped his lips as he pushed himself against the back wall.

The passenger door opened, and Henry stepped out, smiling something wicked and cruel. “Nowhere to run now, you little shit.” He spat when he talked, seething like a rabid dog.

“P-please, do-don’t hurt me.” Eddie blubbered, tears already streaming down his face. “Why are you doing this?”

Henry faked sympathy, then smiled. “Because…,” he got up close to Eddie’s face, “it’s fun.”

He reached into his pocket and took out a silver switchblade, flicking it open with a metallic _shing!_

The rest of the gang, stepped out of the car, snickering at Eddie’s tear-stained, horrified face, shouting insults at him.

“Y-You’re a monster,” Eddie whispered, searching for remorse in Henry’s eyes.

“No,” Henry said. “I’m even worse.” He took the knife and cut Eddie’s left cheek, the younger boy screaming in terror. “I’m human.” Henry then kicked the younger boy in the stomach, Eddie curling up into the fetal position. He kicked him again, for good measure.

Blood and tears dripped from Eddie’s cheek, falling onto his pink polo and new jeans.

Eddie then heard some scuffling and yelling from the entrance of the alley. It sounded like fighting. _Did the gang turn on each other or something?_ Eddie thought, unsure.

“HEY!” Patrick yelled, and the sound of his head against the pavement echoed in the alley.

Henry finally turned around, wondering what the _fuck_ was going on, only to be met by a baseball bat square in the jaw and a “GET FUCKED”. He crumpled from the hit, slouching against the wall next to Eddie. Blood ran down from his mouth, his eyes rolled back up into his head.

Eddie looked up and saw a tall boy, with deep brown curls that framed his face, and huge coke-bottle glasses. A bruise was forming on his right cheek, and a bit of blood stuck to the corner of his mouth. And Eddie thought he was beautiful.

“Hey,” the boy said in an uncharacteristically soft tone. “Are you okay?” he reached his hand out to Eddie, and Eddie took it, letting the boy pull him up off the ground.

Eddie nodded, and their eyes met. His chocolate brown eyes pulled Eddie in, and the young boy could feel a bit of blush rising on his cheeks.

The older boy smiled down at him. “I’m Richie. What’s your name?”

“Eddie.”

Richie smiled, a bit breathless from the fighting. “Cool.”

“Okay boys, stop making googly eyes at each other because we need to get the _hell_ out of here.” 

Eddie recognized the voice and looked behind Richie to see the boy with bright blue eyes. Bill. He saw Ben too, standing by the hood of the car.

Richie scoffed. “Okay, Big Bill, we’re going.” He looked at Eddie again and noticed the cut along his cheek. “ _Fuck_ , you’re bleeding.” He took Eddie’s face into his hands, tilting his head to the side to look at the cut closely. “How the hell did I not notice that before?”

Eddie swallowed back the pain. “It’s fine, I’m fine.”

The taller boy looked Eddie dead in the eyes. “No, you’re not.” Richie turned his head to look at Bill. “Hey, don’t you have those leftover medical supplies from the time Georgie fucked up his shin?”

Bill winced at the memory, still fresh in his mind. He had accidentally let Georgie go off and play by himself, and he found his little brother half an hour later with blood pooling out of his leg. He made Georgie swear not to tell their parents and bought a shit ton of supplies from the grocery store to stitch him up. Fuck, what a day.

“Yeah… I do,” Bill replied.

Richie smiled. “Perfect.” He looked towards Eddie. “Okay, so uh,” Richie licked his lips awkwardly, the taste of blood tainting his mouth. “So, we’ll take you to Bill’s house and get you all stitched up, okay?”

Eddie nodded. “Okay.”

Nodding at Ben and Bill, Richie placed his hand against the small of Eddie’s back, helping him to Ben’s car.

It was a beat-up piece of crap, but Ben was very grateful to have a car. None of his friends had one, so he became the designated driver to and from school, which was fine with him. He loved his friends, no matter how fucking unbearable they were.

Gently placing Eddie in the backseat, Richie sat next to him during the drive. Ben drove and Bill sat in the passenger seat, blankly staring out of the window, shooting Richie a few glances here and there through the rearview mirror.

Richie nervously bounced his leg up and down, his hand resting protectively on Eddie’s shoulder. He didn’t know why he felt such a strong connection to the smaller boy, especially since they only met 10 minutes ago. But, he felt responsible for the well-being of him. Was that bad? Richie didn’t care.

Eddie rested his head against the seat, trying not to hyperventilate from the pressure of Richie’s hand. Yes, he should be more concerned with the teenage maniac who tried to torture him, but the only thing on his mind was _RICHIE RICHIE RICHIE_. He was a boy with a crush, helpless and infuriating. His stomach did hurt like hell though, tender to Eddie’s touch. He winced when he laid his hand on the forming bruise.

Finally, they arrived at Bill’s house. It was a normal suburban home, with walls painted blue and white shutters. A bike was splayed out on the front lawn, the word “SILVER” etched into the side of it. Bill couldn’t help but smile at the bike, once his, now Georgie’s.

Richie opened the backseat door and helped Eddie out, taking him by the shoulder and holding him close to his chest. Their shoes crunched against the freshly-mowed grass as the four boys walked towards the front of the house. Bill ran a little bit ahead, inserting his key into the lock and opening the door very quietly. 

They shuffled inside, voices low as they walked down to the basement. Bill flicked the light on, stairs squeaking as they all filed into the dimly-lit room. Shelves with random items lined the walls, and a thick coat of dust hung in the air. Christmas lights, Halloween decorations, baby clothes and old pieces of technology were strewn about the room too. 

Bill immediately started looking for the medical supplies, while Ben found an old lawn chair and placed it under the light. Richie helped Eddie sit down in the chair, Eddie grateful for the support he had been giving him.

“Thank you,” he whispered to Richie.

He just nodded and sat on the ground next to Eddie.

Ben strolled over to where Bill was going through an assortment of medical supplies. “Hey, do you see Trashmouth with that kid?” Ben whispered to Bill.

The taller boy nodded. “Yeah, he’s not being a _dick_ for once in his life.”

“But, I mean… it’s more than that… Nah, whatever, I don’t know what I’m talking about.” He shook his head, smiling to himself.

“Here we are!” Bill said triumphantly, as he walked over to Eddie and Richie with the right supplies. He picked up a needle and some medical thread and positioned himself over Eddie’s cut. “Okay kid, this might hurt but don’t worry. Soon, you’ll be good as new.”

Eddie wanted to roll his eyes at his comment. It definitely _was_ going to hurt, and he definitely was going to worry.

Richie looked at Eddie, quite frightened for him. He took Eddie’s hand into his and gripped it tightly. “Just squeeze my hand when it hurts, ‘kay?”

Blush spread through Eddie’s face again, embarrassed at how Richie’s actions affected him. “Okay,” he responded quietly.

Bill began to sew the cut, and Eddie gritted his teeth, squeezing Richie’s hand, and hard. Richie began to whisper into the younger boy’s ear, soft and sweet. The other boys couldn’t make out what he was saying, but they knew the words comforted Eddie and helped him through the pain. They even heard Eddie chuckle from one of Richie’s comments. 

Finally, Bill cut the thread and examined his work, turning Eddie’s chin to look at it from all angles. He then took a bandage and placed it over the stitches and stood up.

“There we go,” Bill said, smiling down at his patient.

“Thank you,” Eddie mumbled graciously.

Bill waved his hand nonchalantly. “Anytime, kid.”

Eddie realized he was still holding Richie’s hand, so he let go of it, blushing profusely. A string of curse words formed in Eddie’s mind, jumbling around in his brain. 

Richie looked lovingly at Eddie, having the sudden urge to kiss him, _here_ , in this dirty-ass basement that secretly scared the shit out of him. He resisted it though. Instead, he patted Eddie’s face and smiled.

“You’re braver than you think Eds,” Richie whispered to him.

Eddie smiled. "Don't call me that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aah i love that chapter.  
> the next one will come out in like five days, so stay tuned for that.  
> and i actually paced myself writing this chapter and didn't stay up until 3 in the morning to try and finish it.  
> i don't have any social media to give out because the birds work for the bourgeoisie.  
> stay cool fuckers!


	3. my native optimism isn't broken by the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eddie bickers with richie, has some soft moments, and meets the rest of the club. richie flirts, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from the song “Pusher” by alt-J
> 
> okay so ignore the part where I said Bev and Richie were bf/gf, I decided to scratch that out. They are very affectionate though and they do make-out at least once (not in this chapter though). But Richie does get a girlfriend, probably some random chick (an ofc). Ben and Bev are bf/gf instead in hs, but Ben is totally cool with Bev and Rich being overly affectionate because he's not jealous.  
> anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter. i wanted to get it out on friday, but i didn't have enough time to finish it up. buuuut enjoy!!

Eddie told the group of boys that he needed to get back to school, to retrieve his bike and ride it home. Richie was worried about this plan, arguing that it was safer for Ben to drop him off at his house. But, Eddie insisted that the older boys followed his plan. They didn’t want to argue with him (because he tended to lash out like a rabid chihuahua when angered) so they agreed. Which led to the bickering of Richie and Eddie in the backseat of Ben’s car.

“Okay, but you do understand that Henry will stop at _nothing_ to corner you again, _right_?” Richie’s voice came out a bit wobbly as the station wagon ran over a few bumps in the road.

It seemed the previously sunny sky became muted by a gray haze that blanketed the town of Derry. The weather in this town changed as easily as a hormonal teenager’s mood. Eddie didn’t like that. His mind was stagnant, a river that didn’t flow anymore, and instead became murky as algae covered its surface. Yes, he came into this world a curious, opinionated boy, but all of that changed when his father died. His mother became an abusive hypochondriac with undiagnosed Munchausen’s syndrome and the villain in Eddie’s story. The young boy was deprived of the childhood he deserved, of running through picturesque meadows and getting his knees dirty with the other kids. Of building sandcastles along the edge of the Atlantic Ocean and fighting imaginary wizards and trolls in the barrens. 

Eddie’s once sun-kissed face became pale and gaunt as the years went on, believing every word his mother told him. Such sweet lies his mother preached like gospel. And the whispered _“I’m so sorry Eddie Bear” every time_ Sonia Kaspbrak backhanded her son across his face. For every tear the young boy shed, he despised himself a little bit more. He wished he could rise above his mother and say every little thought that had lingered in the back of his mind. But he couldn’t. And he hated himself for that. It seemed to eat through him, the dark mass of insecure feelings that told him he would never be good enough for his mother, his peers, or himself. It kept him up every night, the cold realization that he would always be alone in this world.

“That bitch is one blood-thirsty _motherfucker_ , and I know from experience. He used to bully me, you know. But I showed him who was _boss_ sophomore year. I just fucking _decked_ him one day in the halls, and he got knocked out, and _cold_ . _Sure_ , I got detention for a whole _shitty_ month, but I honestly didn’t give a flying fuck. ‘Cause I, Richie _Trashmouth_ Tozier, defeated that shit-sucking asswipe!” He pumped his fist, triumphantly, smiling obnoxiously at Eddie, who sat next to him. 

The younger boy was staring out the window, not paying attention to Richie and his overly-exaggerated speech. He nervously picked at his bandage and wondered what the hell his mom would do when she saw it. She would fucking _freak_. He had to figure out a way to slip past her.

“Hey, fuck knuckles, you listening to me?”

Eddie looked away from the window to see Richie staring at him. He smirked. “Yeah, I was, and your story is full of _shit._ ”

Richie gasped overdramatically and put a heavy southern drawl onto his pubescent voice. “ _Whatever_ do you _mean_ sugar, you know that I’ll always tell you the _truuuuth_.” He winked at the younger boy.

Eddie just scoffed and rolled his eyes, quiet admiration behind the gesture. “Well, I mean, how the hell could you have even knocked Henry Bowers out with _one punch_?” He sat back in the seat, fidgeting his thumbs, eyes open wide in thought. “First of all, Bowers is like, two times your weight. You’re a fucking stick, no offense.”

Richie laughed humorlessly at his remark.

“And, second of all, your hand would fucking _break_ with the force of a knock-out punch placed onto someone built stronger and heavier than you.” Eddie looked Richie in the eye. “It just doesn’t make sense… logically speaking.”

“Well, what the fuck do you know about punching someone?” Richie spat back, trying to gain some leverage in the conversation.

Eddie held up his hands defensively, giggling at the older boy’s tone. “I don’t know anything about… fighting, really. I’m just…,” he quietly smiled, “inferring.”

“Hmph. Inferring. Well, still sounds like bullshit to me Eduardo.” He whacked Eddie’s shoulder playfully, to which Eddie responded with knocking Richie’s glasses off his face.

“ _Hey_ , no touching the glasses! You don’t want these puppies to break, right Eds? I don’t wanna go blind, or else I wouldn’t be able to see your pretty face.” He slapped Eddie’s leg and snorted.

The younger boy scowled so deeply, he looked about 30 years older. _He must’ve spent his whole life perfecting that,_ Richie thought, smirking. Eddie crossed his arms and grimaced at the passing houses instead of hitting the older boy back.

The corners of Richie’s mouth turned upwards, and he tugged on Eddie’s shirt. “Hey, Eds, I’m sorry for smacking you.”

Eddie peeked at him out of the corner of his eye but didn’t say anything.

So, Richie placed his hand onto Eddie’s face and made the younger boy face him. He didn’t think about how intimate the gesture was until he was gazing deeply into Eddie’s doe eyes. His long eyelashes seemed to rope him in like a lasso capturing a calf, and he was unable to turn away from Eddie’s expression of what looked like... _longing? Hope?_ He couldn’t distinguish it.

“Okay, we’re here,” Ben called out from the front seat.

Richie quickly let go of Eddie’s face and placed his hands back into his lap, interlocking them together, and realized they were quite sweaty. Eddie stayed grounded, facing Richie for a few moments more, then opened the creaky car door and shuffled out.

He acknowledged Ben and Bill with a nod, then looked at Richie, shooting him a quick smile. “Thank you,” he whispered.

The older boy opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. That made Eddie grin, huge and wide, teeth pearly in the sunset’s light, which had broken through Derry’s haze. It made his face look softer, taking away his growing worry lines. He made sure not to slam the door, and walked up to the bike rack, wondering how he was there at the high school, just an hour ago. Shaking his head, he unlocked his bike and fell back into the easy routine of letting it lead the way home. He didn’t notice Richie’s eyes as he drove away in Ben’s car from the high school, mind muddled from the previous interaction. 

I don’t think Richie would be able to verbally comprehend what was running through his mind at that moment. If someone asked him, I think the only word that would escape his lips would be _“Eddie”._ The name, soft in his mouth, shimmering in the back of his head, ecstasy on the tip of his tongue. Whenever the older boy thought of him, he was lit on fire, from the top of his skull to the tips of his toes. Just burning bright with the thought of Eddie, while others would pass him by like usual, not knowing how much this _boy_ was in _love_ . You could strip away Richie’s laughter and humor, his sparkling eyes, his vibrant clothes, _every part of his soul_ , but one thing would always remain.

_Eddie._

It seemed like a higher power was in a good mood as the clouds parted to reveal a gorgeous sunset, dazzling Derry in bright oranges, pinks and purples. These colors faded to a luxurious midnight blue, spread across the sky like dark velvet, dotted with a million, _no_ , a _billion_ twinkling stars.

Eddie admired every one of them from the kitchen window, as he was seated at the table eating a hearty frozen pizza dinner. His mother had left a note on the table saying how she had an emergency work meeting and would be back early Sunday morning. His eyes had bugged out of his head reading the letter, immensely surprised by the trust his mother had put into him. Almost a whole weekend with no parental supervision to any normal teenager was a cause for a riot. But, not Eddie. He planned to spend the weekend inside the house, feeling safe in his own home for the first time. It was like a weight was lifted off his shoulders when Eddie breathed in the cool night air, exhaling evenly without any fear. 

He finished his dinner, scrubbing the plate clean and placing it into the dishwasher. Then, he walked up the stairs, creaking with each step, and flopped onto his bed with a grunt. Sleep hung heavily around his eyes, blurring his vision as he tried to change into a set of pajamas. They were long-sleeved and white, with little red polka dots, hand-picked by his mother. Stupid and meant for a small child. But it was all Eddie had clean. So, he tugged them on, and laid in the bed, his mind slowly shutting down from exhaustion.

The last thought on his mind was Richie that night, curled up in his down cover, breath quiet on his pillow. The moon seemed to watch over the boy that night like the father he never had. Watching for any danger, scaring off monsters hidden in the shadows. And as the sun came up for another day, the moon slipped behind the Derry skyline, leaving Eddie to the morning’s harsh truths. But, it would always come back. Eddie found comfort in the fact that the passing of time was something that would never change. What it would bring, though, was his biggest fear of all.

He pulled out the stitches on Saturday night, wincing with every jerk of his hand. A bit of blood leaked out from the wound, but Eddie scrubbed it off with anti-bacterial wipes he had sitting on his desk. Whenever he felt anxious or worked up, he would rip one of those bad boys from the carton and begin scouring his room, cleaning every surface he could. His desk, nightstand, chair, bed frame, even the action figures sitting atop his shelves. He would scrub and scrub until every item he owned was stripped of its luster and shine. Knowing that everything was clean secured Eddie in a way nothing else did.

His mom was coming home the next day, and Eddie knew she would go totally ballistic and jump off the deep end when she saw the cut. So, he stuck a band-aid to the wound and studied it in the mirror, adjusting it to make sure it covered the entirety of the cut. He would say that he was using scissors on a school project when his hand accidentally slipped and lacerated his cheek. _Totally believable._

And that’s just what he did when Sunday morning came. Sonia babied and scolded him for being so careless while using scissors, and Eddie nodded earnestly to every word she spoke. He promised not to use scissors while outside of her watch and guidance. His mom accepted his vow and went to sit down in her chair to catch up on all the shows she missed, while Eddie jaunted to his room to complete a bit of homework. Just another Sunday morning for the Kaspbraks.

Henry Bowers was nowhere to be found in Derry Highschool on Monday, and that was just fine with Eddie. He strolled through the halls, his head up a bit higher than the week before, despite the cut on his cheek. People picked up on his newfound confidence and started nodding at him in the halls. It was a small thing, but Eddie was aglow with determination by the time it became lunch. He definitely didn’t forget the lunch invite from Mike, and so he headed towards the football field, a skip in his step. His feet crunched against the freshly cut lawn, smelling a bit like manure. The sun decided to be docile today and shone softly on the quiet town of Derry.

Eddie rounded the corner of the bleachers and walked in front of a group of teenagers. There were six in total, and they sat in a semi-circle behind the stands. All of them lounged and leaned against each other like they were refugees hiding from the hostile world outside. A world that wouldn’t accept them for all their quirks and secrets they kept buried deep inside. So, as a result, they found solace in each other, knowing that they were accepted in the group. And they were.

“Eddie! You made it!” A voice called out from the clump of kids. It was Mike Hanlon, a big smile plastered on, seeming too big for his face. He waved the younger boy over, gesturing for him to sit down, and he did. Eddie crossed his legs and looked to Mike expectantly. At that moment, he noticed that Mike’s fingers were intertwined with another boy’s. _Okay._

“So, guys, this is Eddie Kaspbrak. He’s in my math class, and he’s a _freshman._ He’s super fuckin’ smart. Probably smarter than any of you.”

A puff of smoke blew into Mike’s face, and he coughed and waved it away, clearly annoyed by the smoker’s antics. A laugh bubbled up from the person who blew the smoke, and Eddie recognized it immediately.

“I already _know_ this dumbass, Micycle. I met him on Friday.” It was Richie, smirking at Eddie with a knowing look on his face. What he knew about, Eddie didn’t understand. He held a dimly lit cigarette between his fingers, his huge-ass glasses taking up most of his face. A garish, brightly-colored green patterned shirt hung down his lanky frame. He was resting between the legs of a girl with fiery red hair and a permanent smirk. She was also smoking a cigarette and turned her head to blow it to the side. 

“I k-know him too. I actually p-p-put on the part of doctor and stitched up that s-scar of his.” Eddie looked towards the blue-eyed boy. Bill, he remembered. He hadn’t noticed that stutter before.

“Me too. I was there with Rich and Bill when Henry fuckin’ Bowers cornered him. We roughed up his gang a bit and helped Eddie get back on his feet.” This was Ben, whose hand was wrapped around the redhead's waist. 

“Well, that’s great… That you know him, not that Eddie got beat up.” Mike cleared his throat and began to speak again, eyes flitting across the group. “Um, Eddie, this is Beverly,” he gestured towards the girl, “and this is Stan. My boyfriend.” He squeezed Stan’s hand, giving him a quiet smile.

Being the gentleman that Stan was, he reached out his hand and shook Eddie’s. “Pleasure to meet you.” 

Eddie nodded. Stan had thick curly hair and analytical eyes, and he maintained a sort of poise that Eddie couldn’t place.

Beverly tilted his head towards the younger boy. “I like your fanny pack.”

Eddie glanced down to what he was wearing, forgetting he had it on. “T-thank you.”

Richie groaned. “Fuck Eds, how much of a dweeb _are_ you?” He breathed out a cloud of smoke directed towards Eddie, who began to immediately hack at the intake of smoke into his lungs. Thankfully, he didn’t have to use his inhaler.

Between coughing, he said, “Don’t call me that.”

The older boy just chuckled and laid back deeper into Beverly. Eddie noticed that Ben didn’t care when Beverly ran her fingers through Richie’s dark curls. Must not be the jealous type. But, Eddie couldn’t help himself envying Beverly’s position, wishing that Richie would lay between his legs so Eddie could rake his fingers through his hair. So he could turn Richie’s head slightly and kiss him softly on the lips, letting his fingers trail down his shirt. Then Richie would turn around and grip Eddie’s hips with an amused kind of ferocity, and Eddie would let out the softest moan with the sudden roughness. He imagined the kisses that would trail down his jaw and neck, the hands undoing his belt and - 

Eddie cleared his throat and nervously crossed his arms, trying hard not to get a fucking boner from his thoughts. He shouldn’t even think about Richie this way, he realized, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted so badly to be in Richie’s arms, to laugh with him in the depths of the dark at his stupid jokes and to… to have sex with him in his bedroom when Eddie’s mom was gone. To hold his hand during lunch and to whisper in his ear about how beautiful and amazing he is. He wanted it all. _FUCK._ “Stop picking on Eddie, you dickhead,” Ben said, smiling slightly. 

“Shut up Haystack. I’m only teasing him because I know he likes it,” Richie said, winking at Eddie. Fuck, he was smooth.

The younger boy's cheek turned a slight shade of pink, which Beverly immediately noticed. “So… Eddie. Do you have a girlfriend? Or… maybe a boyfriend?” She said, inhaling her cigarette once more.

Eddie made a strangled kind of noise, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. “Uh… um - I, no I don’t. No, definitely not.” He chuckled slightly, trying to play off his stuttering. 

Richie almost choked on his cigarette when Beverly asked that, caught off guard by her question. Bev laughed at his reaction, pulling his hair a bit.

“Eddie’s too cute to commit to anyone. Every girl he meets probably falls in love with him just by looking into his eyes.” Richie smirked at the younger boy, who looked at Richie almost innocently like he was trying to convey that no girl had ever fallen in love with him. 

Bill then tried to steer the conversation away from the clear flirting Richie was attempting with Eddie. “So, Eddie, y-y-you were pr-pretty fast running away f-f-f-from Bowers on F-Friday. B-b-before you ran yourself i-into that alley. You could probably m-make the t-t-track team if y-you wanted to. ”

Eddie smiled sadly. “My mom would never let me join the track team. She says I’m too… delicate.”

Gasping suddenly, Richie scowled at the comment. “You’re not delicate at all, Eds. You looked pretty strong to me when you were fuckin’ sprinting away from Bowers. You were as fast as the shitting wind for fuck’s sake. You could be the fucking team captain if you wanted to asswipe.”

“Thanks, Rich. But how many fucking times do I have to tell you, _don’t call me Eds_.”

The older boy chuckled and leaned away from Beverly to pinch Eddie’s cheeks. “Okay, Eddie Bear.”

Eddie grimaced. “Ew, my mom calls me that.”

“Does she now? That’s not what she told me when I was fucking her last night.”

“Fuck off, Trasmouth.”

A few _oooooh’s_ erupted from the crowd.

“Damn Eddie, I didn’t know you had a foul mouth too,” Ben remarked.

Glaring at Richie, Eddie responded curtly. “Trashmouth over here seems to bring it out in me.”

“I know what else I can bring out in you, Kaspbrak.” Richie then made a few promiscuous noises, letting out a deep moan and slapping his hand against the pavement.

Eddie’s cheeks turned bright red and he turned away from Richie. “ _Fuck off, Rich.”_

Richie responded in a low voice, almost growling. “Never.”

Stan rolled his eyes at the whole affair but was laughing deep inside at Richie and Eddie’s conversation. He knew that Richie liked Eddie, by the way his body was leaning towards Eddie and the way his eyes always seemed to land on the younger boy’s face. Stan knew the Trashmouth very well, almost since preschool. He didn’t remember a single day where they didn’t interact in any way, whether it was in real life or over text. Stanley was concerned that Richie was going to get his heartbroken, but he knew that Richie needed to make his own mistakes when it came to these things. It was for the best.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Bev said, sitting up a bit, Richie squirming. “Brandon Sharp is having a party on Friday night because his parents are out of town. He invited me and said to bring whoever, as long as we brought alcohol. Which I promised him we could get.” She looked across the group. They all responded with ‘ _sounds fun’_ and nods and ‘ _hells yeah!’._ The _‘hells yeah!’_ came from Richie, if we’re talking specifically.

Richie looked towards Eddie expectantly, who hadn’t given any sign of confirmation yet. “You going too, Eduardo?”

“Yeah… uh, I’ll try to sneak out after my mom goes to sleep.”

The older boy whistled. “Dang, little Eddie Kaspbrak, sneaking out of the house after dark to go to a high school party. That’s _pretty_ attractive.”

Eddie whacked him on the foot, making Richie giggle.

Beverly smiled at the little interaction between them. _They would be so cute together,_ she thought. _Too bad Eddie is 15 and Richie is 18. That would never work._

The faint echo of the high school bell rung across the football field, reaching the ears of the kids sitting under the bleachers.

“Fuckin’ hell man. I guess it’s time to get back to the grind,” Richie remarked, pulling Beverly off of the ground.

Mike and Stan held hands as the group walked across the grass. Ben’s hand was still around Beverly’s waist, and Richie had his arm slung around Eddie’s shoulders. Bill fiddled with his hands as he walked alongside Ben.

They were an odd group, walking through the halls of the high school. But no one could deny the chemistry they all had, laughing and making fun of each other, holding each other close. 

Eventually, their paths diverged, and they all walked in different directions to get to their classes. But they were still a unit, a tight-knit group of close friends whose bonds couldn’t be broken by fighting and bickering, or even time. They loved each other, some more than others in more complicated ways. Even as a few of them moved away, getting as far away from Derry as they could, they kept the good parts of their childhood. Remembering the times under the bleachers and the weekends spent at one of their houses. Remembering the small smiles and the wheezing laughter, and the quiet tears that would come once in a while.

Derry would always be apart of them, the good parts more than the bad. And that was just fine with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will probably come out next sunday, the 15th of december. it'll probably be another hs chapter, revolving around the party. or maybe not, maybe i'll change my mind. i'm a fickle and indecisive person in need of some great character development.  
> have an awesome rest of your week. soon it'll be break so keep going!!  
> stay cool fuckers!


	4. you stand for love in a world of greed / don't deny it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a complicated house party, lots of feelings, the passage of time, and new beginnings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from Singing to Me by David Wax Museum  
> a super pretty song
> 
> damn. i said i would have this chapter published on the 15th of december, but that clearly didn't happen.  
> sorry :))  
> this chapter kinda wrecked me, but it was fun to write. i enjoyed every night i stayed up to finish a thought or an idea or a sentence.   
> major reddie moments and pining are ahead, maybe some tears.  
> and don't worry, they get their happy ending, i promise.  
> we stay litty. also happy 2020!!  
> enjoy
> 
> (there was a fucking ant on the keyboard when i was writing the notes AND I-)
> 
> also here is the age outline. the first part is their grade and age of the "prequels" when they're in hs, and the age after the colon is when they're all in nyc living their lives
> 
> Eddie - freshman (15) : 18  
> Richie - senior (18) : 22  
> Mike - sophomore (16) : 20  
> Stan - sophomore (16) : 20  
> Bill - junior (17) : 21  
> Beverly - senior (18) : 22  
> Ben - junior (17) : 21  
> Henry and Patrick (18) - seniors

Derry 2015

“ _ GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN! OH, GIRLS, JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!” _

“ _ Stop fucking screeching that song, or I swear to God, I will kill you in your sleep.” _

Richie gasped at Beverly’s comment. “You take that back, you  _ betch,” _ he spat at her in a valley girl accent.

“I don’t  _ fuckin’  _ think so Rebecca,” Beverly said, eyes narrowing at Richie as she made her fingers into a gun and pretended to shoot Richie in the chest.

He clutched the space over his heart and fell dramatically onto Beverly’s bed, which creaked annoyedly at the sudden weight of the teenage boy. 

Beverly doubled over in laughter, fully amused by her best friend’s antics. She fucking  _ loved _ Richie Tozier, more than anyone else, which was saying a lot. Beverly Marsh was the kind of girl who gave her love out freely and openly, not shying away from platonic kisses or deep conversations. Her laugh was contagious and magical, sure to draw in even the most isolated kids in school. When she talked, everyone listened. She was like a modern-day messiah, her word being gospel to every person she met.

The two friends were in Beverly’s room, preparing for Brandon Sharp’s party. They planned for all seven of them to meet at Beverly’s apartment then walk over to Brandon’s party, for it was only a few blocks away. But, Richie wanted some one-on-one time with his best friend before they hung out as a big group. He had some things on his mind that he wanted to unload. And Beverly was happy to share the load with him because she knew Richie would do the same for her. 

Richie grunted as he got off the bed, and plopped down on the stool in front of Beverly’s vanity. The vanity consisted of a desk, a mirror, and a box overflowing with various items of make-up. Blush, mascara, eyeshadow, lipstick… and more things that Richie couldn’t recognize. Random stickers were pressed onto the desk, Richie recognizing a few brand names and bands. The mirror frame had a big-ass dent on the top right corner and spider-web cracks that were filled in with dust and grime. He fiddled around with the pieces inside of the make-up chest, opening and closing the doors until he found something shiny. It was shaped like lipstick, except it read “ _ highlighter”  _ on the side.

“What the fuck is this Bevvy? I didn’t know it was possible to highlight your face.”

Beverly chuckled and walked over to where Richie sat and plucked the highlighter from his hand. “It’s not that kind of highlighter, honey.” She opened the cap and applied some to Richie’s cheekbones, and rubbed it in with her finger. Richie looked at himself in the mirror and smiled at the shimmer on his cheeks. 

“Damn Tozier. I didn’t know you could look that pretty,” Beverly teased.

Richie smiled and waved her off, inspecting himself in the mirror. It was only a small amount of make-up, but he couldn’t deny that he liked the way it looked. It gave him a bit more of an edge.

Beverly watched him in the mirror, smiling at her best friend. She then decided to dive right into what she had been thinking about the past week.

“So… Eddie,” she said quietly.

He dropped the make-up he was playing with, startled by the comment. The highlighter rolled off the desk and onto the carpet, unnoticed by the two. Richie’s eyes fell towards the ground as he folded his hands on top of the desk. 

“Come on, I know that’s what you wanted to talk about.” Beverly placed her hand on Richie’s shoulder, giving him as much comfort as he would take. 

“Is it that obvious..?” Richie asked, twisting his head to look Bev in the eye. She smirked, wondering how her friend was so fucking gullible. “Yes, it is. You flirt with him every chance you get, you’re always hanging onto his arm, and I always catch you staring at him.” Placing her forearms on his shoulders, she rested her chin on the top of his head, looking at him in the mirror. “Honey, you know that you can’t do that, right? He’s 15. _15_.”

Richie’s eyes teared up a little bit, which he quickly wiped away with the back of his hand. “Yeah, Bevvy, I know. It’s just-” He let out a small sob that he meant to muffle, and before he knew it, tears were streaming down his face. 

“Oh, Richie, honey…” Beverly led him off the stool and onto the bed, and let Richie rest his head in her lap. 

His body shook as he let out stifled wails of pure heartbreak, and Bev couldn’t help but let a few tears escape her eyes too. Richie sucked in a deep breath and cried again into her legs, taking off his glasses to scrub the tears away.

“Beverly… I-I… I think I’m falling in love with him… I’m falling in love… with Ed-Eddie. It’s  _ FUCKING BULLSHIT!”  _ He yelled that last part, a scream so loud and powerful the walls seemed to shake along with his voice. “I didn’t ask for this Bevvy… I didn’t… I didn’t…”

She cradled her friend’s head in her arms, brushing away the tears on his cheeks with soft, circular motions of her thumb. “I know honey. I know you didn’t ask for this. I sure didn’t ask to fall in love with Ben either.”

“Well, at least B-Ben is only a year younger than you. You guys… you guys actually have a chance of making it. With Eddie… I’ll be gone next year and he still has three years left in this shithole of a town.” Richie looked up towards Beverly. “And you know, t-that once I leave Derry… I’m not  _ ever  _ coming back.”

Beverly nodded. “I know.” She twirled Richie’s hair around her finger, braiding a few pieces together. “You just need to be gentle with him, Rich. You can’t try and pressure him into anything. I know that you’re… not that kind of person, but… you need to be careful. He’s a young and impressionable kid and you’re this  _ adult _ . Flirting is not always harmless, you know that. You just need to make sure you’re ready for what follows. Okay?”

Richie nodded. “Okay.” He smiled up at her, taking her hand and squeezing it. “Thank you, Beverly.”

She smiled back. “Anytime Richie.”

They laid like that in silence for a little bit, holding hands, Richie breathing in deeply and slowly.  _ In… and out. In… and out.  _ A grin then appeared on his face. “Do you think he likes me back though?”

His best friend let out a short cackle. “Yes, he definitely does.”

Richie blushed deeply and put his glasses back on to distract himself from the mushy feeling in his stomach. “Well, damn, that’s tempting.”

Beverly let Richie lay on her lap for a little bit more, brushing bits and strands of hair away from his eyes that she tried to slick back. His hair just kept springing back to its original position every time. Richie, of course, purred like a kitten when his friend massaged his head, relishing the sensation of fingers running through his curly locks. 

“So,” he began, “they’ll be here in.. what, 10 minutes?”

She nodded reticently. “Do you have anything left on your mind?”

A deep scoff escaped Richie’s throat and Bev let out a little giggle. He nestled into her lap and began to talk about Eddie, explaining to Beverly (to the best of his ability) about how fucking beautiful and exhilarating he was. Yes, the two boys had only met about a week ago, but it felt like they had known each other for a lifetime.  _ Lifetimes _ , even. Beverly listened silently to Richie’s words, smiling and nodding here and there, but making sure to comfort Richie continuously. 

When he was finished talking, he got up, off of Beverly’s lap and onto the stool in front of the vanity, and Beverly followed. She began to fiddle with the make-up box and pulled out mascara which she carefully began to apply to her eyelashes, and did the same to Richie. He studied himself a bit more in the mirror, savoring how his chocolate brown eyes stood out. They were deep and dark, pools of the finest, darkest ales that seemed to steam and bubble. Hypnotizing, lulling himself to sleep. Beverly smeared a bit more highlighter onto his cheeks and squeezed his arm.

There was a knock on the door, which drew Richie’s attention away from his face. He walked out of Beverly’s room and stood before the front door. Breathing deeply, he opened it, only for his eyes to fall upon the love of his life. And four of his best friends.

“MOTHAFUCKAS!” Richie whooped, pumping his fist in the air. That move earned eye rolls, specifically from Eddie and Stan. 

“Let us the fuck in, Rich,” Stan said impatiently.

“Whatever you say Stan the man.”

The boys filed in, Richie noticing that Bill and Ben were each holding a grocery bag filled to the brim with booze.

“Damn, we’re getting wrecked tonight, aren’t we Eds?”

“Don’t fucking call me that, you dipshit.”

“Aren’t you a feisty one tonight? Did you forget to take your anger management pill?”

Eddie shoved Richie playfully onto the couch. “Fuck you dude.”

Beverly entered, snickering at her friends’ antics. She looked beautiful standing in the doorway, her hair fluffed up and her face gleaming in the low lights. 

Ben couldn’t help but blush at the sight of his totally hot girlfriend, which Richie smirked at. Ah, to be young and in love.

And Rich couldn’t help but admire Eddie, although a bit more lustful than usual. He wore these jeans that Richie thought accentuated his ass  _ perfectly _ , and his cute little white and yellow striped polo pulled the look together.

“Shit Eddie, you’re looking pretty cute tonight,” he blurted.

“Well, I mean, it  _ is  _ my first highschool party. Thought I should look… nice.”

Mike chuckled. “I think you’ll be the only person tonight making an effort. Most of the people attending these kinds of parties are already shit-faced or high and just trying to have some fun.”

“But I’m sure everyone will appreciate your effort,” Stan said, squeezing Mike’s hand. 

“Thank you, I guess,” Eddie replied.

“So, are you guys ready to go?” Bill asked, leaning against the side of the couch. 

“Hells  _ yeah,  _ Billiam,” Richie responded, bouncing off the couch and slinging his arm around Eddie’s shoulders. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

And they did. All seven of them left Beverly’s apartment, who locked the door behind them. They walked the four blocks to Brandon Sharp’s house, which was a small colonial trimmed in Christmas lights, even though it was September.

Richie thumbed the lighter in his pocket with his left hand, his right arm still holding onto Eddie. He enjoyed having the younger boy by his side, wanting to make sure he didn’t stray too far away from him. Richie knew from experience that high school parties could sometimes get out of control, so he made sure to secure Eddie.

And Eddie didn’t mind having the older boy’s arm around his shoulders, feeling butterflies fly around his stomach whenever Richie squeezed the back of his neck. The small amount of skin to skin contact he got with Rich sent shivers down his spine, making his cheeks turn pink with that giddy feeling. He was high on it.

The group of seven walked into Brandon’s house, which was only lit up by revolving disco lights probably snagged from a Party City. About 30 teenagers were stuffed in the living room, dancing messily and sweaty to the beat of the song. Hormones hung thick in the air, expressed by people grinding on each other and various couples making out in different corners. Beer and liquor were passed around like it was the golden nectar of the gods, too plentiful and dazzling not to resist taking a sip or downing the whole bottle. 

Bill and Ben headed to the kitchen, raising the bags of booze above their heads like warriors would show off the head of their enemies as a trophy. Somehow majestic and gruesome at the same time. They dropped off the various bottles of alcohol on the kitchen counter, which was not so evenly distributed. Richie managed to grab a bottle of vodka, fireball, and a six-pack of light beers.

He popped the cap off of one of the beers and handed it to Eddie, who was lingering behind Richie, unsure of what to do.

“Well, are you going to drink it or not?” Richie said, winking at the younger boy.

Eddie grabbed the bottle and took an exploratory sip. He winced a bit, but then nodded his head.

Richie grinned widely. “You like it?”

“A little bit.”

Richie then grabbed the bottle from Eddie and chugged half of it, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and handing it back to the younger boy. “That’s some good fucking  _ shit _ .”

Eddie took a long sip from the bottle, then another, until he had completely finished the bottle. He already began to feel light-headed, under the fluorescent lights of the kitchen and the watchful eyes of his friends.

“Okay… uh… do you guys want to dance?” Ben asked, pointing a thumb over his shoulder towards the living room.

Stan shrugged. “Why the fuck not?” He grabbed Mike’s hand and pulled him towards the dance floor, Mike snatching the bottle of vodka from the table. Bill followed them, laughing at Stan’s enthusiasm.

Ben held out his hand for Beverly to take. “M’lady?”

Beverly snorted, taking his hand. “Why thank you, sir.”

Both of them glided out of the kitchen towards the glowing lights and the booming music.

Richie cocked his head towards Eddie and suavely wrapped an arm around his waist. “Wanna dance with me, Eds?”

The younger boy didn’t know what to say, anxiety and alcohol clouding his judgment. Swallowing back his fear, he agreed.

Everyone seemed to have swallowed their fears when they were dancing. All seven of them acted wildly, letting go of their stress and worries. They passed around the vodka, each taking long swigs, and the room started to spin out of control as the night went on.

Eddie had wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck, and Richie placed his hands on Eddie’s small waist. They slow danced in the middle of the chaos, swaying along to the dance music.

The younger boy’s breath was hot on Richie’s neck, sticky with the smell of liquor. His petite hands pulled at Richie’s hair a little bit, making the older boy chuckle. His hands caressed Eddie’s waist, and he slipped them under his shirt so he was making direct contact with his skin. He heard Eddie let out a small gasp when he did that, and Richie wanted to hear that sound again. It was so soft and beautiful, so tender that he began to run his hands along his waist and over to his back.

Eddie made that sound again and pulled harder at Richie’s hair. They danced for a little bit longer until Richie let go of Eddie and started to lead him towards upstairs. He led him to the bathroom and closed the door behind them, unsure of his next move. Eddie was looking at him with wide eyes, his back pressed against the counter. Richie stood over him and tilted the younger boy’s chin up so they made eye contact.

“Eds…,” he began softly, grazing Eddie’s jawline with his thumb.

“Richie...?” Eddie said quietly, as he closed the distance between the two.

It was a light kiss, soft and simple and perfect. It was Eddie’s first kiss, and Richie’s first kiss with someone that romantically mattered to him.

Eddie opened his mouth and Richie slipped his tongue inside, causing Eddie to submit and melt in Richie’s arms. He licked the back of his teeth and pushed in deeper, moaning subtly into Eddie’s mouth.

Richie’s hands traveled down Eddie’s shoulders and back until he started squeezing handfuls of his ass, pressing hard against him. The younger boy gasped and grinded into Richie too. Richie then pressed hot kisses onto Eddie’s jaw and neck, licking along his collarbone and marking his territory. He lifted Eddie up and onto the counter, and Eddie wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist.

“Eds… you’re so fuckin’ hot…,” Richie whispered, entranced by the way Eddie looked at him when he said this.

Eddie then forced Richie’s head up and began to kiss him on the mouth again, letting Richie take the lead while they were making out. They were both so intoxicated that they got lost in each other, kissing hard and passionately until Beverly opened the door. She had noticed the two staggering up the stairs, giggling drunkenly. 

The boys didn’t realize Beverly was in the bathroom until she tapped on Richie’s shoulder and they finally broke apart.

“Richie  _ fucking _ Tozier,” Beverly said, “what the  _ fuck _ are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing Bev? I’m making out with Eddie.”

Eddie was frozen on the counter, hands still holding onto the front of Richie’s shirt.

“You  _ goddamn _ fuck-up. I told you specifically not to make-out with Eddie!”

“ _ No, you didn’t _ ! You just said to be  _ ready _ for what  _ follows _ after flirting! And I am ready! I’ve been ready for a long fucking time now!”

“That’s not what I meant Richie! I meant don’t fucking do  _ anything _ with Eddie because he is 15!  _ 15! _ ”

Richie stared at Beverly, beautiful Beverly, standing with her arms crossed and a murderous expression on her face.

“Bevvy…,” he began to say.

“Don’t  _ fucking _ Bevvy me! Ben and I are taking Eddie home! And you’re staying here until I can figure out what the  _ hell _ to do with you.”

She waved Eddie over, who gave Richie one last look. Richie didn’t know what Eddie was trying to tell him. He was too drunk to figure it out. Eddie hopped off the counter and followed Beverly out of the house. Richie stood in the bathroom, his hands now fists on the bathroom counter, slamming against the tile. He fucked up, and he knew it. But he couldn’t help himself when he was around Eddie. All he wanted to do was love him, unrelentlessly and passionately. When Eddie confessed to the group about his abusive mom, Richie was shaking with rage the whole time.  _ How could a person hurt another? How was that fucking capable? Especially your own goddamn son. _ Richie had gone home that day and tore up his room, crying at how much Eddie had learned to endear. And the younger boy didn’t even think he was resilient or courageous. Rich wanted to show Eddie that he wasn’t this delicate flower, that he was a strong person worth cherishing. 

“Fuck,” he cried, squeezing his eyes tightly, not letting any tears escape. Looking at himself in the mirror, he noticed his face and neck were flushed red. And the smell of Eddie, still lingering in the air, clinging to Richie’s shirt. He desperately regained his composure, then walked out of the bathroom to go and find Stan.

It was really fucking cold outside, and Eddie immediately started shivering. Beverly’s hand was on his shoulder and Ben was walking next to her silently. They took the front seats while Eddie sat in the back, resting his head against the window. He was really dizzy and tired laying in the dark, feeling the vibrations of the car driving over the bumpy roads. His eyes closed until he heard Beverly’s soft voice, telling him they had arrived at his house.

Whispering a thank you, he shut the car door and walked up to the porch. He then snatched the spare key from underneath the welcome mat and stuck it in the lock, turning it as quietly as possible. The door opened and closed with a creak, but not loud enough to wake up his mom. Tip-toeing up to his room was easy because he had done it millions of times before. Most of those times being midnight snack-hunting. He closed the door to his room and flopped onto the bed, his head pounding and swirling. Eddie quickly fell asleep, around one in the morning, and woke up to a pretty nasty hangover.

And he didn’t remember a single fucking thing from the night before.

Richie spent the rest of that night as a drunken blaze, gulping down a bottle of Fireball and dancing spasmodically before he passed out in Brandon Sharp’s living room. He was dragged out by Mike, Stan, and Bill and onto the front lawn where Richie laid in the grass, staring at the stars in the sky above. He liked the way they twinkled. It comforted him. It reminded him of Eddie. He didn’t know why. But it did.

The four of them staggered across Derry to crash at Bill’s place. And Beverly, Ben, and his car were nowhere to be found. Richie believed they had dropped off Eddie, then went to Ben’s to fuck. At the time, that was the most logical explanation.

They all slept in Bill’s room, Richie and Bill in his bed, Stan and Mike on the floor. At about four in the morning, Richie woke up to sprint to the bathroom and throw up absolute shit, then dry heave for a few minutes more. His mouth tasted like a skunk, cheap liquor and cherry chapstick. He laid down on the cold tile floor, regretting all the alcohol he drank the night before. And thinking about how Eddie felt, pressed against his lips and pulling at his curls.  _ God, he was so fucked. So fucked. _

Richie hoisted himself up and off the bathroom floor and laid down in the bed next to Bill, who was snoring up a storm. Closing his eyes, he tried to recall all his memories from the night before. But all he could see were Eddie’s eyes, and his soft, pink skin. And how he gasped into Richie’s ear… Richie would give anything just to kiss Eddie again. But he understood that he couldn’t. Not anymore. Not after Beverly’s rightful and honest reaction. So, Richie just fell asleep, wondering what the  _ hell _ the morning would bring. 

Saturday night rolled around pretty quickly, and the group decided to hang out at Bill’s house. Bill was probably the only one who had a “normal” family, so all of his friends enjoyed spending time in the suburban home. With a mom who made a shit ton of snacks, a dad who wasn’t a drunk, and a little brother who was stupid but loveable, it was a great place for everyone to hang out at.

Ben and Beverly pulled up first, interacting with Bill’s parents about some cute videos they saw on Facebook. Bill literally dragged Ben and Bev up the stairs so they would stop talking to his parents. Stan, Mike, Richie, and Eddie came next, Mike driving his grandfather’s pick-up truck. Richie ran off from the group to play with Georgie for a bit, talking about Hot Wheels and the Avengers. When he went to Bill’s room, everyone was already settled.

Mike and Stan had curled up on the bed, Bill was sitting in his desk chair, Beverly and Ben sat against the bed, and Eddie was sitting against the dresser.

Richie thought about where to sit for half a second, before plopping down next to Eddie, leaning against the dresser. He sat at a comfortable distance, making sure not to accidentally touch him. Eddie still had yet to mention their kiss. Even on the drive over, he was talking to Richie normally, ranting about something he saw in the news. Was he just going to ignore what had happened between them?

“So, fuck. Friday night. That was rough,” Richie started, trying to brew a conversation between his friends.

Stan groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Fuck yeah it was. Especially dragging you out of the party. Why the fuck did you get so drunk anyway?”

“Cause I wanted to. Big deal.”

A moment of silence hung in the air.

“I’m just sad that Eddie’s mom wasn’t there. I could’ve totally gotten into her panties.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Eddie yelled, already annoyed by Richie’s jokes. “I didn’t even fucking remember what happened.”

Richie’s eyes went wide, as well as Beverly’s, the two making eye contact across the room. They exchanged a couple of glances, Richie looking mortified, yet relieved.

“What?” Eddie asked, wondering why the hell they were making those faces.

“Well, uh,” Richie began, “what exactly do you remember?”

“I-I… I remember drinking a beer with you… then driving in Ben’s car and sneaking home.” He looked around the room. “That’s it. What’s the big deal? Did I do something stupid?”

Richie squeezed his eyes tight, seeing only red.  _ He doesn’t remember. He doesn’t fucking remember.  _ “No, Eds, you didn’t do anything stupid. You’re too cute to do anything stupid.”

“Ha-ha Rich.”

The older boy looked at Eddie, enjoying his smirk and the way he crossed his arms. Richie looked away before Eddie could read any emotion on his face, worried that if Eddie found out, he would reject Richie. He couldn’t let that happen.

“I actually had a really fun time,” Ben said, blushing a little bit. The whole group read into it and  _ ooohed. _

“Shit, Ben got laid last night, didn’t he?” Richie inquired, making everyone laugh, except for Beverly, who looked like she was about to kill her best friend. 

“I was wondering where you guys went after you dropped off Eddie. I guess you two had some plans that were better than hanging out with us,” Mike said slyly. Beverly gave him the finger, and Mike sent it back her way too.

The rest of the night, they talked about random things, from the logic of medical TV shows to whether or not the American government was controlled by the Illuminati. Richie flirted with Eddie, flustering him from time to time, his cheeks turning pink. Beverly didn’t say anything about it. She was sure that Richie wouldn’t try anything again with Eddie. She knew that Richie wouldn’t risk anything if it meant losing him.

As the night weaned on, points were made, people were criticized, and everyone laughed so hard they started leaking tears. Eventually, 11 pm came around, so they decided to call it quits and “see you on Monday.” Everyone went to sleep that night with a little smile, thinking about what Richie had said about Nicole Kidman and how George Washington was actually a bad-ass. 

And when they saw each other on Monday, the conversation picked up right where it had ended on Saturday, like every other day before and every day to come.

***

The school year passed by so quickly, and before they knew it, Richie and Beverly were graduating. Ben, Bill, Eddie, Stan, and Mike fucking screamed when their names were called during the graduation ceremony, and ran to them, hugging and kissing each other after it had ended. They all were involuntarily sobbing when they took pictures together, smiling bright and wide, proud of each other’s accomplishments. Eddie stole Richie’s cap and they chased each other around, laughing wildly when Richie picked the younger boy up and spinning him around.

They went out to dinner at the Jade of the Orient, just the seven of them, all seated around this big-ass table in the back. And Eddie was so fucking happy. He finally had an amazing group of friends who accepted him for all of his quirks and flaws. This was his family. Not his mom, nor any distant cousin or other relatives. These six dickheads were the people he would love unconditionally. 

The summer was a fucking blast too. Just nights of running wild on the streets of Derry, or cooped up in Bill’s house. As long as they were together, everyone was satisfied. 

Richie eventually accepted Eddie’s lost memory of their kiss and treated him like a little brother instead of his crush. And Eddie was fine with this, fine with pushing his feelings down, as long as Richie was by his side. 

Sometimes, the two of them would hang out at Richie’s house, reading old comic books or just talking for hours on end. Richie would tease Eddie endlessly, and Eddie would spit back a pretty mean come-back, which would make Richie chuckle and start to tickle the younger boy.

And before they knew it, Richie and Beverly were packing up their things and moving to New York City. Beverly was accepted to Berkeley College, majoring in fashion, and Richie was going to a local community college and trying to start a stand-up comedy career.

The night before Richie had to leave, he was lying on his bed, with Eddie sitting on the edge of the bed, telling Richie about the dangers of New York City.

“Dude, you don’t know how many fucking diseases there are in that city. It’s a fucking festering cesspool of grossness and rats. I saw a video on YouTube about there being a shit ton of rats in the subway stations. And do you know how much light pollution there is? So much that you can’t even see the stars. Only fucking light-up billboards and that shit.”

Richie chuckled and sat up, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Relax Eds, I’ll be fine. I’m a big boy.” He pinched Eddie’s cheek, which earned a grimace from the younger boy.

“I just… I just don’t want you to leave, Rich.”

Surprised by that comment, Richie frowned. “I know. But… I need to leave Derry. It’s not because of you or Bev or anything, it’s just I-I don’t feel safe here. I never have.” He glanced down, then looked back up at Eddie. Richie cradled Eddie’s cheek with his hand, letting his thumb rub over his chin and jaw. “Everything’s going to work out, Eds. Don’t worry.”

Eddie looked Richie in the eye, who was looking at him with a different kind of intensity. Usually, Richie only made eye contact like this when he was arguing. But the way he studied Eddie, it was softer and more vulnerable. Richie’s finger accidentally brushed over Eddie’s lip, and Eddie made a small noise, like a hiccup, which made the older boy jolt away. 

They didn’t say anything for a little bit, Richie wringing his hands in his lap.

“Um, Rich… I think I should probably go home. It’s getting late.”

Richie looked at Eddie who was getting up from the bed, grabbing his fanny pack off of the desk.

“You’ll say goodbye to me in the morning before you leave, right Chee?” Eddie asked, his eyes wide, wondering what Richie was thinking about.

“Oh, yeah, of course, Eddie.” He then got up to wrap the younger boy in a hug, holding him close to his chest, breathing in every last bit of him. Pulling away, he turned the other direction and looked at the stars through his window. Hearing the door open and close and footsteps retreat, Richie let out a soft sob and covered his face with his hands, breathing deeply. He looked back towards the stars, admiring how they twinkled, remembering something he wishes he could forget.  _ Him. _

Richie grabbed his jacket and opened the window, shimmying down the gutter to then fall on the back lawn from a reasonable height. He ran, wild and chaotically, winding through the streets of Derry, sprinting over lawns until he reached his destination.

He squatted next to the fence and pulled out Henry Bowers’ knife from his jacket pocket. It shined in the silver moonlight, deadly in the dark. Richie had picked it up off of Henry after meeting Eddie. Seemed like things came full circle, as he started carving something on the kissing bridge fence. It took him about ten minutes to cleanly hack at the wood and chisel his every emotion onto the rough canvas. When he was done, he took a step back and looked at his handiwork. Then, Richie cried. It was a dry, rugged kind of cry, that was more angry and desperate than anything else. It was nasty and heart-breaking, but it felt better when he was done. He screamed out Eddie’s name into the night, muffled by his sobbing. Richie “Trashmouth” Tozier got down onto his knees and sobbed like a baby, pouring out every ounce of emotion he felt for the love of his life. And then, with one last look at the fence, he turned away and began to walk home.

Eddie got up at six in the morning and sat by the window, waiting for Richie to climb up and say goodbye. But he never did. It was 11 am when he finally gave up and went downstairs to say hello to his mother.

Beverly and Richie were on the road at seven in the morning, heading for New York City to start their new lives. They left Derry with no remorse, passing through New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and Connecticut until they finally reached the gleaming skyline of impressive skyscrapers. Screaming when they saw this, they almost swerved off the road, but they ended up gaining control and aging almost 30 years. 

And Eddie, Ben, Mike, Stan, and Bill were left in Derry.

Eventually, when Eddie completed his sophomore year, Ben and Bill left to live with Beverly and Richie. Bill had been accepted into NYU’s medical program and Ben was a budding architect at Columbia University.

And then Mike and Stan graduated, but they decided to stay in Derry for Eddie’s senior year of high school. They both had gotten into Cornell University, but decided on a late admission, so they would become students after Eddie graduated high school.

Finally, the day came around where Eddie had his name called, picking out two voices screaming his name from the crowd when it was said. He was handed his diploma, his ticket out of Derry. And he took pictures and had dinner with Mike and Stan, who were newly engaged. Mike took Stan out on this whole romantic picnic thing, then popped the question at the end of it. Stan, of course, said yes.

Eddie was going to NYU, having been accepted into their business school. He was so fucking excited about the future and what it would bring. He couldn’t wait to start the next chapter of his life with Mike and Stan backing him up. And the rest of their friends, who were waiting in New York.  _ God, he could not wait to see them again. He could not wait to see Richie again. _

_ Richie. Richie. Richie. Richie. Richie. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, i'm not going to make any promises about the date of the next release, but i'm guessing i'll have the next part out in at least two weeks. no promises though :))))  
> and i have no idea how long this is going to be, but there will be many chapters about richie and eddie in nyc, as well as the rest of the losers club.   
> i hope you guys are enjoying reading this because it is honestly so much fun to write, i just don't have a lot of time to actually write it. but just know i will NOT abandon this work. fat chance of that happening.  
> anyway, i hope you guys had some awesome holidays, whatever you celebrate.  
> and here's to 2020. let's make this year our bitch.  
> stay cool mothafuckas


	5. i still owe you for the hole in the floor / and the ghost in the hall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A summary of Eddie's senior year  
> Eddie, Stan, and Mike moving into their new apartment  
> Richie's antics   
> and the beginning is finally resolved :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from "red rabbits" by the shins
> 
> hi.  
> yes, i know, it's been four months since i last posted. i got caught up in school, and then the whole quarantine thing happened, and now the world has just gone batshit crazy  
> but it has also given me inspiration for writing this fic.  
> i did promise i would finish it, so here i am. :)))  
> i recently watched the matrix and it was sooo good. i was really missing out on it before. and i watched like ten other beautiful and/or bloody pieces of film.   
> uhhh what else did i want to say?  
> yes!  
> i love you! thank you so much for reading this fic! it truly means everything to me. i know right now life is pretty tough. school's wack, so many people got laid off, and our old 2014 depressive state is coming back to haunt us. but, just know that we will push through this. we've gotten through 100% of our bad days. and we can keep doing that, as long as we BELIEVE in ourselves. and also remember that i believe in you too <3  
> was that too sappy? whatever. every word of it was true :)  
> anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter!!

Was it possible that the fluorescent lights of Derry High School imprinted on Eddie’s brain? If so, that’s what Eddie was seeing as he drifted off to sleep in the back of Mike’s pick-up truck. The lights that would make his eyes squint, the cold linoleum floors scuffed by sneakers, and the wooden, old-fashioned doors that hung on squeaky hinges. 

God, it was like a fever dream of a memory that wouldn’t leave his mind. It was terrifying. Every time he tried to push the nightmare away, it came back more malicious than ever. It was trite and beckoned him to stay forever. 

All the cruel names he was called, all the shoving in the hallway that would cause books and papers and pencils to clatter to the floor, and all the people, his peers, that would pass him by without even a hint of remorse. 

To say the least, Eddie’s senior year was not fun. Everywhere he went, he could feel the absence of his friends, so thick and hazy and poisonous. Somedays, he felt like he couldn’t breathe on account of the loneliness he felt. 

On days like that, he would walk across the field at lunchtime, the grass crunching underneath his feet, and sit behind the bleachers. He liked to imagine that the people he loved were still there. Bill would be explaining some piece of classic literature to Mike, who would listen quietly, as Stan would sketch birds in a notebook of his. Ben would be whispering something to Beverly, who would chuckle quietly and rest her head on his shoulder. Richie would be smoking a cigarette and peering up at the sky above. He would say something stupid, have everyone yell at him, and then look at Eddie with a smirk. And Eddie would tell him to shut up or go fuck himself, or something like that. Richie, of course, would happily oblige, and rest his head in Eddie’s lap. And everything would be alright.

Stan and Mike were still around in his senior year, but most of their time was spent working hard in order to save for college. Cornell University would not be kind when it came to paying tuition. Student loans would have to be taken out, money carefully spent each month, and debt would eventually need to be paid. So, no vacations or superfluous activities. Just the bare minimum. The two of them, an apartment, work, the truck, and visits from Eddie. 

Eddie ended up moving into Stan and Mike’s apartment about half-way through the school year. He turned 18 and decided he had the right to move out of his mother’s house and start a life apart from her. Even if he was only ten minutes away from his childhood home. 

His mother, of course, begged him not to leave. Eddie didn’t listen. Maybe because he was tired of his mom’s relentless bullshit, or maybe because his earbuds were constantly in his ears and turned to the max volume. Either way, he was out of that shithole. And into a nicer, smaller shithole without any emotional baggage. 

Now, he was leaving Derry for good and headed to New York City with his best friends. Something he never even imagined happening. Eddie was starting over, wiping the slate clean, and studying business at NYU! What the fuck!

Yes, he didn’t exactly know how all of it came together, but it did. And for that, he was grateful.

“Eddie! Wake up!” Stan whispered, shaking the younger boy who had apparently dozed off during the trip.

“I’m up, I’m up…” Eddie groaned, stretching his arms and then rubbing his eyes. He looked out the window, only to find the Manhattan skyline right outside. 

“Huh. We’re really here,” He said softly.

“You know it!” Mike hollered, excited to have finally reached the city.

Stan chuckled, then turned around to Eddie. “We’ll be at our new apartment in about twenty minutes. Thank goodness we don’t have to live on campus. That would be a total drag.” He kissed his boyfriend on the cheek and then proceeded to tap away at his phone.

“Hopefully we’ll be able to meet up with everyone else this week. I know they’re all probably busy with whatever careers they have brewing,” Mike commented.

Eddie looked up hopefully. “Everyone?”

“Yeah! Bill, Ben, Beverly and Richie.” Mike looked at Eddie in the rearview mirror. “You okay with that?”

Eddie nodded. “Of course.”

During a drunken night of Cards of Humanity a few months back, Eddie confessed to the couple about how he had crushed on Richie for all of freshman year. They weren’t surprised by this and had always suspected Eddie’s feelings for Richie. They just didn’t believe that it was only his freshman year.

Over the course of Eddie’s high school career, he had been asked out a few times by both girls and boys, but he had rejected anyone’s advances. Which Stan and Mike truly didn’t get, because each person who was interested in Eddie was always hotter than the last. So, the couple came to the conclusion that Eddie had been, and always will be, in love with Richard Tozier. 

“So, Eddie, do you want to see anyone in particular?” Stan teased.

The younger boy rolled his eyes. “Shut up Stanley. You know I’m over him. He’s history! Old news! Nothing special or sparkly about Richie. I just had a teeny tiny crush on him during freshman year. Nothing to it! Definitely nothing to worry about.”

“Uh-uh. If you say so,” the older boy mocked, giving Mike a knowing glance, which he chuckled at. 

“We’re here!” Stan yelled at the top of his lungs as the group pulled into the parking garage. They each gathered up most of their personal belongings and headed up the stairs, until they reached the floor of their room.

Mike dug out a key from his pocket and opened the door, which gave in with a squeak. 

“A two-bedroom, one-bathroom  _ masterpiece  _ with walk-in closets, a big-ass kitchen, and a full-sized wrap-around deck.  _ Voilá bitches! _ ” Stan whooped, taking in the apartment.

“How the hell did you manage to get this place!” Eddie exclaimed, shocked by the marble countertops and the ornate light fixtures.

“Oh, you know, I have my ways. Especially when you’re friends with a budding architect!”

“Ben helped you get this place?” Mike asked.

“Well, he was one rung in the ladder that led to all of this. Mainly it’s just because the realtor is an old family friend,” Stan explained.

Eddie smiled at the two, then immediately started to unpack in the smaller bedroom. It was more than he could ever imagine, especially in New York as a first-year college student. He laid down on the plush carpet and stared at the ceiling, wondering how the hell all of this came to be. 

The three of them took a few trips up and down the stairs until all of their luggage was unpacked and they were settled in. Mike and Stan planned on going to some artsy antique furniture shop tomorrow, so tonight was just time to relax.

In celebration, they rented  _ The Grand Budapest Hotel _ , a favorite of Stan’s, and ordered some pizza. They all ate in decadent silence, watching the life of a hotel manager and a lobby boy. 

It was nice to finally get away from Derry. It felt like a weight had lifted off their shoulders when they crossed state borders and entered a new world full of possibility. Derry was a dead-end town, but New York was like a gateway into a new beginning. It had hope. The one thing that the seven losers had always craved. Even as night fell over the city, hope would still be there. 

***

The crowd roared as Richie bowed for the last time, waving at his fans as he walked off stage.

“Great job Rich!” Steve hollered, patting his client on the back. “I think that was one of the best stand-ups I’ve seen you perform.”

Richie smiled faintly, overwhelmed by the lights that had been glaring at him for the past hour. “Thanks, Steve. Now could you send someone to get me a fucking glass of brandy?”

His agent chuckled and nodded, signaling someone from backstage, as Richie walked to his dressing room. A bottle of the finest shit was waiting for him on the table, so he popped off the lid and took a solid swig of it. 

It burned the back of his throat, but it felt so fucking good. It seemed to be the only thing that satisfied him these days. Sure, sex was nice, but it was no good when you couldn’t have it with someone you actually loved. 

Every Friday night he would go to some gay bar in the middle of who-knows-where, find someone who would laugh at half of his jokes, then fuck them senseless at his apartment. It all just became a pattern, repeating relentlessly until his eventual breakdown.

He suspected that one night in the future, he would have too much to drink, say the wrong thing, and end up dead in an alley somewhere in Brooklyn. I mean, it didn’t surprise him. 

Richie was out as gay to the public, something he tweeted when he started accumulating fame. He definitely didn’t want to keep it a secret, then have rumors pop up, and then have everything come down like a tidal wave of shit. So, he let the people know, and they loved him for it. A queer icon and all that jazz.

A knock at the door startled Richie out of his drunken trance, as he mumbled a ‘come in.’

“There he is! The man of the hour!” Steve yelled, swinging the door open. “How did you feel up there? First time in front of 5,000 people! You did  _ fantastically _ !”

“Oh well, you know, it was an absolute breeze, Steve. Sweating like a fucking pig up there with all those eyes on me. But, it felt natural, being 22 and performing at fucking Radio City Music Hall!”

Steve looked at Richie, who was nursing his bottle of brandy and mumbling to himself. “I don’t know whether you’re being literal or sarcastic. Either way, your set was amazing. You’re definitely going places, Rich. You’ve got a whole career ahead of you.”

Richie looked up at Steve, who was beaming like a witless man-child. “Thank you, Steve. From the bottom of my heart and all that crap. Could you just call me a taxi home?”

His agent sighed. “Of course. I’ll let you know when it’s ready.” Steve left the room, leaving Richie to stare at his reflection in the dressing room mirror.

Apparently Stan, Mike, and Eddie moved into their apartment tonight. The whole friend group set up dinner a week from today, all excited to see one another again. Richie was very excited, no doubt about that, he was just indifferent to seeing Eddie again. There was a possibility they had a change together. They were both of age, both legal adults, who had a whole life in front of them… it seemed too good to be true. 

He sat back in his chair and sipped the brandy again. Was it necessarily bad that he could remember kissing Eddie like it was yesterday? That night at the party had found a home in Richie’s head. Pushing the younger boy onto the counter, feeling Eddie’s hot breath on his neck… it was intoxicating. Richie couldn’t wait to see him again. Even if they were only friends. Having him as a friend would be better than not having him at all.

“Your taxi is here, Rich.”

Richie swiveled around on his chair and walked past him with a nod.

The ride home was short, and it dropped him off in front of his apartment building. He went up thirty floors on the elevator to an elaborate penthouse suite with too many bedrooms for one man. After stripping all of his clothes off, he flopped onto the bed with a satisfied groan and fell into a light sleep, like every night of his drawn-out life in New York City.

It was 10 in the morning when bits of light peeked through the curtains of his room. The sirens of a nearby police car filled up Richie’s apartment, waking him up from his drunken stupor. It was a nice day in Autumn, even if it was cloudy, so Richie decided to go for a walk after a quick breakfast.

He put on his best gray joggers, had a quick cup of coffee, grabbed his umbrella, and then walked to Central Park. 

It really looked like it was going to rain, so he popped open his umbrella as the first few drops fell. That’s when he saw Eddie, standing in the rain.

He was just as beautiful as Richie remembered. Silky, kept hair, caramel brown eyes, and an ass that went on for days. Richie hesitated for a second, wondering if he should approach him. Eddie seemed so peaceful, standing in the middle of the golden trees that gave him shelter from the harsh city. But he was also getting quite wet, so Richie stepped in and used his umbrella to keep them both safe from the rain. And as he looked into Eddie’s eyes for the first time in four years, he knew this man was the love of his life. No doubt about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, next chapter, i'm hoping to get out in at least a month. i'm not great with deadlines ha ha ha  
> anyway, please stay healthy!! wash your hands you ditty pig and practice social distancing.  
> please please please stay at home. if not for yourself, then for your friends, family, neighbors, and community.  
> have an amazing day <3  
> and  
> stay cool mothafuckas ;)))


	6. something always brings me back to you / it never takes too long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie inform their friends about their date together and everyone becomes grateful that they are finally getting together. A lot of teasing happens, a good amount of contemplation, and maybe even a make-over ;))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from "gravity" by sara bareilles
> 
> this chapter was so fun to write! i'm in love with all the different friendships that take place inside the group. writing the little intimacies that were never depicted in the movies is so much fun for me... i just get so overwhelmed, but in a good way :)))
> 
> enjoy!!

“Richie! You better hope to God you’re not late for dinner, ‘cause I whipped up something extra special, and I know you don’t want my talent to go to waste,” the firey red-head yelled into the phone.

“Geez, Bev, I’ll be there as soon as possible. Keep it in your pants.”

Beverly scoffed at that remark. “Says you. I know you won’t be able to keep your hands off Eddie when we have dinner next week..”

A silence passed between the two.

“Yeah, about that… Eddie and I are getting dinner together tomorrow night. I’m taking him to Olio e Piu, that cute Italian place on Greenwich Avenue.”

Beverly screamed, causing Richie to jerk his phone away from his ear. “What?? No way! Richie! How did this happen?”

“Don’t get your hopes up too soon Bev. It’s not a date or anything. I just want to see him before we all get together. I… I’ve missed him. A lot.”

“It’s totally a date! You’re such a romantic, Richie. Don’t deny that you’re not still in love with him.”

Richie blushed on the other end of the phone, biting his lip and closing his eyes. He  _ was _ still in love with Eddie, no matter how much he resisted. Loving Eddie was an unspoken fact, a part of Richie’s nature.

“I’ll be home in 20 minutes Bev. Don’t tell Ben about Eddie.”

Beverly giggled. “I make no promises!” She promptly hung up the phone and took the roast chicken out of the oven, placing it on the stove.

“Is Richie caught up in another work debacle?” Ben asked, walking into the kitchen with a slight gleam in his eye.

“Yes, of course, he is. Richie had promised to perform at this supposed exclusive club next week, but we scheduled our group dinner for that night and he had to cancel, so Steve got mad, blah blah blah. You know, just typical comedian business.”

Ben chuckled and eyed the mashed potatoes on the counter, reaching in with a finger to scoop up some.

“Thief! No eating before dinner has started.” Beverly slapped his hand away, eliciting an “ow!” from her boyfriend. “Now go watch football or something, whatever you do.”

Ben stuck his tongue out at her and proceeded to turn on the television, as Beverly smiled and put the finishing touches on the roast.

“Oh! I forgot to tell you! Apparently Richie and Eddie are getting dinner together tomorrow night.”

Ben turned around in complete shock. “No shit!”

“Yes, shit! Richie is still in love with Eddie! I was right!”

“Well of course you were. Richie was never able to keep his hands off of Eddie when they were younger. I knew they would have to get together eventually.”

Beverly laughed, abrupt, and loud. “That’s exactly what I said!”

“Now we just gotta hope Richie doesn’t go and fuck it up.”

“Ah, I’m sure he won’t. Eddie’s pretty infatuated with him too if I remember correctly. They’ll end up fucking tomorrow night and falling deeply in love.”

“What a beautiful love story,” Ben remarked, smiling at the TV screen.

When Richie and Beverly moved to New York, they had gotten an apartment together, which Ben had moved into when he arrived a year later. Bill had come the same year but had chosen to live on-campus at NYU. The year after that, the four young adults found a small townhouse in Brooklyn and all moved in together. 

That year had been one of the best in Richie’s life. Everyone was sad when Bill moved out to go live with his girlfriend, Audra, especially because everyone thought her to be a total bitch, which she was. 

Richie had bet $100 against Beverly that Bill would break up with Audra and move back into the townhouse this year. Beverly believed in the sanctity of Bill and Audra’s relationship, arguing that they would stick together for the rest of their lives. Richie thought that was utter bullshit and knew Billy would break up with his girlfriend once he realized how conniving and manipulative she was. Also, that he was better off single and still had a ton of women (or maybe even men) to seduce.

A scuffle outside of the front door announced Richie’s arrival, who was having a hard time unlocking the door.

“Don’t mention anything about Eddie!” Beverly yell-whispered to Ben.

“What about Eddie?” Richie asked, walking into the main hall. “You told him, didn’t you?”

Beverly giggled. “I did say no promises!”

Richie rolled his eyes while hanging up his coat and placing his keys on the hook. “Well, I guess you were gonna hear about it eventually, Benny-boy. Since your betrothed is such a blabber-mouth.”

“Says you!” Ben and Beverly said at the same time.

“Ah, you got me there.”

Ben scooted over on the couch to make room for Richie, who sat next to him and studied the football game in front of them.

“But we are both very proud of you, Richie, for getting together with Eddie. We thought you’d sulk the rest of your life over him.”

Richie scoffed and spoke in a feminine southern drawl. “Well, I never! I’m not sulking about Eddie. I’m afraid your sources are incorrect.”

“Uh, I don’t think my sources would lie. Especially since  _ I _ was the one who heard you crying in the shower and yelling Eddie’s name last night.”

Richie widened his eyes and cleared his throat. “I thought you and Bev were out of the house.”

Ben laughed and gave Richie a friendly nudge. “You know, you  _ can  _ talk to us about that stuff, right?”

“I do talk. Just not to you.”

“Oh, right. All your gossip is exclusively for Beverly. So exclusive that she repeats it to me every night before we have sex.”

“Gross!”

“You could just talk to us both, together, so I don’t have to get the scoop from  _ her. _ ”

The boys turned around to look at Beverly, who was focusing on the creme brulee in the oven. She looked up to see them both eyeing her like she was the source of all their problems, which was not true at all. “I agree with Ben. You should just talk to us about your problems with both of us.”

Richie groaned in frustration. “Fine. But you’re not allowed to judge me, Benjamin.”

Ben just smiled and turned back to the TV.

“Dinner’s ready!” Beverly yelled cheerfully, carrying the roast to the table.

Richie scrambled to the dining room, sitting down in his usual chair and staring at the roast in the middle of the table.

“Don’t start yet, Rich. Patience, huh?” Beverly said, winking at him.

“How can I be patient when I’m so hungry?” He reasoned, fiddling with the silverware.

Ben walked into the room, setting some of the side dishes down and sitting at the head of the table. “It’s all about self-control.”

“Self-control my ass.”

Beverly slipped into her chair and looked over at Richie. “Well, what are you waiting for?”

Richie rolled his eyes which caused everyone to laugh. “Shut up, I’m too hungry for your guys’ funny business.”

  
  


***

  
  


“I’m thinking of getting a part-time job somewhere. Probably a coffee shop, or maybe even the school library,” Eddie told Stan and Mike, who were both in the kitchen, focusing on a batch of chocolate chip cookies.

“That sounds like a great idea, Eddie. Your extra income would definitely help with the rent and utilities and stuff like that. Stan and I can cover it just fine, but it would be nice to have more spending money… along with the security that we’re not going to go bankrupt at any moment,” Mike explained, absentmindedly stirring the cookie dough. 

“Yeah, of course. Plus, I want the work experience, even if it’s just a remedial job… hopefully, I’ll be able to land an internship eventually through the NYU business program.”

Stan looked over at Eddie, smiling softly. “I’m sure you will Eddie. You’re smart enough for it.”

“Says the one whose going into accounting. For fun.”

“Hey, it can actually be pretty interesting. I took a tour of Cornell last year and their accounting program was  _ amazing.  _ I cannot wait until I get my hands on their  _ unlimited _ resources… it’s going to be overwhelming.”

Mike chuckled, ruffling his boyfriend’s hair. “Accounting may be cool, but library sciences is where it’s at.”

“Ew, no,” Stan bit back, making a disgusted face. “But hey, remember, the real enemy is business majors. Those people are jerks.”

Stan and Mike looked over at Eddie in an accusatory manner, who raised his hands in defense. “I didn’t pick business. It picked me!”

“Sure it did,” Stan scoffed, focusing on the cookies.

Eddie rolled his eyes and pushed off the counter. “Whatever. Call me when those cookies are done,” he shot off, walking to his room.

There, he found he had a text from none other than Richie. Eddie opened his phone with a small smile and read the text message.

**Richie (8:09 PM):** hey eds… wasssssup

**Eddie (8:16 PM):** the sky

**Richie (8:17 PM):** ha ha ha. very funny. I just wanted to confirm tomorrow night… you still down?

**Eddie (8:17 PM):** of cooooourse rich. as long as you tell me the address

**Richie (8:17 PM):** oh riiight ahaha silly me

**Richie (8:18 PM):** it’s Olio e Piu. 3 Greenwich Avenue, New York City babyyyy. 8 pm. be there or be square bucko

**Eddie (8:18 PM):** ...sounds fancy

**Richie (8:19 PM):** that’s the point. I wanna spoil you, show you what new york has to offer, huh? show you all that i have to offer ;)))

**Eddie (8:19 PM):** okay :))) i promise i’ll be there

**Richie (8:19 PM):** can’t wait to see you eds <3

**Eddie (8:19 PM):** you too chee 

  
  


Eddie set down his phone on the bedside table and promptly flopped onto his bed with a groan, his cheeks flushed bright red.

He was still fucking in love with Richie!! And he hated every second of it. There was no way Richie would reciprocate those feelings. Eddie was meant to live a life of torment, forever pining over a guy who didn’t even register him as a sexual being. It was going to drive him batshit crazy.

He debated on texting Richie whether or not this was a date, but he decided against it. Most likely, Richie would say it wasn’t a date and things would become awkward between the two, which was the last thing Eddie wanted to happen. 

So, Eddie peered outside his window, staring at the bright cityscape and the starless night sky. In Derry, millions and millions of stars filled up the deep blue swirls of the night and lit up the land below. But, here in New York, the sky seemed to be a black abyss, sucking in his life force. The only light came from the billboard attached to the building adjacent to his apartment. He sighed in contemplation, getting lost in the thoughts of college, work, Richie, and the smell of those chocolate chip cookies.

“Eddie!” Mike yelled suddenly from the kitchen.

“Coming!” Eddie hopped up from his bed and sprinted down the hallway, and was greeted by a batch of warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies. “Fuck yeah!” He whooped, scooping up a cookie and stuffing it in his mouth.

Stan and Mike did the same, the three of them laughing as they all got messy from the chocolate and the crumbs. 

“Ugh, this is heaven,” Stan groaned, putting a cookie up to his nose and sniffing it deeply, his eyes widening like he was snorting cocaine.

“Ew! What are you doing?” Mike laughed, making Stan giggle and eat the cookie he was so close to huffing beforehand.

Eddie admired the two, who were so lost in each other. Mike and Stan got together freshman year of high school and had been together ever since. Their love story was meant for the stars, for the things you’re only supposed to dream about. They had found each other at the perfect time, and stayed with each other, even through all the hell they got for being together. It was quite beautiful, how resilient they were. Eddie guessed as long as they had each other, they were willing to be brave. He hoped, one day, he had the chance to be brave for someone else like that too.

“Oh, and just letting you guys know ahead of time, I’ll be out tomorrow night… around 8 pm to 10ish.”

Stan looked up quizzically. “Oh? And what will you be doing?”

Eddie looked away from the couple and bit back a smile. “I’ll be out eating dinner with Richie.”

Stan slammed his hand on the table. “Holy fuck! Finally!”

Mike laughed and clapped Eddie on his shoulder. “Way to go!”

“But it’s not going to be like that,” Eddie jabbered, “it’s not a date. We’re just getting together, ahead of time, to catch up and stuff. Nothing’s gonna happen!”

Stan rolled his eyes and grabbed Eddie’s wrists, locking gazes with him. “Eddie. Listen to me.”

Eddie looked into Stan’s eyes, who seemed to be boring holes into his skull.

“Richie has been in love with you since the day you guys met. Don’t even try to deny it! Do you know how much flirting went on between you two? So much that I thought I would vomit every day because it was so sickly and sweet and disgusting. A-And you have the  _ audacity _ to admit to yourself that  _ it’s not a date _ ? You must be out of your goddamn mind! I swear to  _ God _ , you better hold tight onto that man before he slips through your fingers. Richie might be an irredeemable little shit, but he’s one of the best people I know. Don’t break his heart.”

Stan let go of Eddie’s wrists, leaving his boyfriend and his best friend gawking in the middle of the kitchen.

“Wow, Stan. I didn’t know you had that in you,” Mike joked, wrapping his arm around Stan’s waist.

“Shut up Hanlon.” Stan licked the cookie dough spoon and put it in the sink, then turned around to size Eddie up, his brain clearly performing flips and splits thinking about something. “Makeover.”

Eddie backed away from the counter and held his hands out in front of him. “No way.”

“Yes, way. Your fate has been decided by the council.”

“I don’t think the council has the authority to do that.”

“Uh, yes they do. Tomorrow morning. We’re going out.”

Eddie looked to Mike for help, who just shrugged in response. “Sorry, Eddie. Stan’s right about this.”

The younger boy scoffed and bent in half, groaning and half-screaming. He finally straightened himself out, only to be met with two pairs of eyes staring at him, waiting for a confirmation. 

“Fine.”

Stan shrieked and pumped his fist in the air. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Eddie yapped, walking away from the couple, towards his room. “See you tomorrow.”

“You bet your fuckin’ ass!”

At promptly 10 am, Eddie was woken up by Stan with a shove and was told to “Get your fuck-ass out of bed and get ready to become the definition of glam!” which Eddie didn’t see the point of. He was fine with his clothes and sense of style. A random t-shirt and jeans seemed to be an adequate outfit, so he stuck to that. But, he wanted to make Stan happy, so he got out of bed and got ready for his transformation. 

Mike, Stan, and Eddie hit Starbucks before getting started with their day, which was a good idea. Sipping hot coffee seemed to be a good antidote for the New York gloom, which tried so hard to interfere with their day. The three walked along different city streets, Stan leading them down every twist and turn until they reached a high-end fashion shop. He started scanning the selection of shirts and pants and accessories and picked a few things here and there. Mike stood off to the side, sipping his coffee and admiring Stan, who was so focused on figuring out what worked and what didn’t. Eddie was following Stan, who gave him a few things to carry.

He suddenly looked at Eddie in his analytical way, eyes narrow and mouth taut. “Are you good with getting your ears pierced?”

Eddie looked mortified. “My-- what?”

Stan made a dismissive gesture and tsked. “We’ll cross that bridge when we have to.”

The younger boy looked towards Mike, who just smiled and chuckled into his coffee. Eddie guessed Mike had been subjected to this too and understood that you just had to let Stan do his thing.

“Okay, I think I’ve found everything. Let’s get into a dressing room.” Stan made a crisp turn and conversed with an employee, who led them to a dressing room. He then gave Eddie a few items, told him to get dressed, and the ordeal began. 

It took seven different outfits for Stan to be completely satisfied with what Eddie wore. He finally decided on a plain black turtleneck, a plaid gray trench coat, light brown slacks, and a pair of vintage black dress shoes.

Stan stepped away from Eddie, who was so neatly posing for Stan to analyze. “Perfect,” the older boy muttered, his eyes gleaming of achievement. 

Eddie rolled his eyes, getting used to the way the turtleneck clung to his skin and how the shoes cramped his feet. But, he had to admit, he looked pretty stylish. It seemed like he was a secretive college student who would frequently ravage a library and fancied the boy next door. “You did a great job, Stan. Thank you.”

“Well, of course. I need to make sure you look fuckable, for Richie’s sake.”

Mike burst out laughing, clutching onto his side, while Eddie’s face turned a deep crimson and almost murderous. Stan just smiled and winked at Eddie.

“Okay. Take those clothes off and I’ll pay for them,” Stan spoke, nonchalantly.

Eddie looked at him, now with a grateful look on his face. “Really? Thank you a million Stan.”

His best friend scoffed and tapped his wrist, signaling Eddie to shut the fuck up and hurry the fuck up.

The three of them walked out of the store, joking about how prim everyone seemed in the store, bags in tow with Eddie’s new wardrobe. 

Soon enough, 6:30 pm rolled around, and Eddie started getting nervous as hell. What if Richie canceled? What if it wasn’t a date at all? What if this was all a sick prank and Richie never liked Eddie in the first place? His breathing started to become labored, and he had to puff on his inhaler just to calm down. Even though it wasn’t real. Eddie didn’t have asthma, and he knew that. But, still, using that inhaler was a habit for him, a safeguard that protected him from all his different anxieties. 

He finally calmed down, took a quick shower, and got dressed in the outfit Stan picked out for him. Eddie didn’t know if the trench coat was overkill or not, but it was very cute, so he decided to keep it.

Stan and Mike were in the living room, watching some meta-movie when Eddie walked in wearing his new get-up. They applauded politely and shed some fake tears.

“They grow up so fast,” Mike cried, putting his face in his hands.

“They really do,” Stan added, resting his head in the crook of Mike’s neck.

Eddie rolled his eyes for the millionth time and walked towards the front door. “Okay, I’ll be home around 10 pm.”

Stan looked over his shoulder and yelled. “You better not come home tonight! Unless it’s with Richie! You’re getting laid tonight, buddy!”

The younger boy looked down at the ground, wondering what he did to deserve this. “Okay, then I won’t be home around 10 pm. Bye! I love you guys!”

Mike and Stan blubbered and hollered goodbye like their only son was going off to war. 

Eddie closed and locked the door behind him, heading out onto the grimy streets and stepping into the Uber he ordered ten minutes beforehand. The car took him to Olio e Piu, an intimate Italian restaurant that was flooded with laughter and good-looking people and even better food.

Eddie opened the door, gulping down his nervousness and running his fingers through his hair. He walked across the sidewalk and opened the door into the restaurant, and when he saw Richie for what felt like the first time, he felt all his anxieties slip away. And Eddie’s name on Richie’s tongue became the most beautiful thing to ever exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo the next chapter will be out in about two weeks, probably a week and a half. it'll definitely be about richie and eddie's date and might even be a bit... nsfw... if you know what i mean ;)))
> 
> anyway, i hope everyone is staying safe and practicing good social distancing!!  
> thank you so much for supporting me, as always  
> and stay cool mothafuckas!!


	7. i see no need to take me home / i’m old enough to face the dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie go on a date. Things are said, tropes are explored, and everything is just very smutty ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from “angel of the morning” by juice newton
> 
> helllooooo  
> I have been so tired lately because of quarantine... it really do be depleting my energy  
> also I'm planning to get a mullet after quarantine because my friend said it was "punk rock as hell" :))
> 
> anyhoo, enjoy this chapter!!

Beverly found him, laying on the floor of his room, staring up at the ceiling in quiet contemplation. His room was an absolute wreck -- garish shirts strewn about, empty red bull cans stacked in the corner, and a particular graphic tie hanging over his bedside lamp. Richie’s glasses were askew on his face, and a bit of drool had slipped out of his mouth like he was a Criminal Minds corpse found somewhere in a ditch off the 101.

“Bev,” he gasped, grabbing Beverly’s leg with a sudden fierceness, “I’ve got nothing to wear. Why didn’t you tell me that I dress hideously ? How do you let me go out every day looking like a drugged up shit-stained hobo who wears clothes only from the goodwill donation box? Who was secretly a rodeo clown in another life? I thought you were my friend.”

Beverly stared down at Richie and gave him a soft smile. “Oh, Rich, honey… I actually like your style.”

“LIES!” He yelled, picking himself off the floor and staring the red-head down. 

“No! I’m being honest! The way you dress is very unique and I, for one, truly enjoy the way you carry yourself in your… brightly-colored tropical attire. It’s what makes you… Richie. My Richie.” She patted him on the chest, wiped off the drool, and glanced around the room some more. “But, I am obligated to help you pick something to wear for tonight.”

Beverly began to pick through the clothes that were lying about, throwing most of them in the closet, but left some on the bed and smoothed them out. In a few minutes, she picked out a couple of outfits and stood back, letting Richie stare at them awe. He had no fucking idea how his best friend managed to find treasure in his trash, but he was grateful nonetheless.

“This one,” Richie declared, pointing to the outfit on the left.

Beverly raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Really? I totally thought you’d go with the other one.”

He smiled slightly and crossed his arms. “Maybe it’s time I get out of my comfort zone. I bought that shirt a while ago with the intention of wearing it to some shit-eating rich people party but never did. If anyone gets to see me in that, it’s Eddie.”

The red-head smirked and nudged Richie. “You’re definitely getting into Eddie’s pants if you look like that.”

Richie turned and gasped at Beverly, who cackled and slapped Richie’s side. “My goodness, Marsh, what volatile language that was. You better pray to the good Lord above that I never catch you saying something so derogatory as that ever again.”

Beverly pressed her hands together and raised them above her head like she was praying to the good lord above. “I promise ma’am. Now get ready for your goddamn date, old woman.”

Richie turned away with a hmph! and hopped in the shower. While scrubbing his hair with some fancy shampoo Beverly bought for him, he began to think about what Eddie would wear… and suddenly he was transported back to that night at Brandon Sharpe’s party. That night Eddie wore a polo and those pants… and pressed him into the counter and felt the warmth of his lips on his own. Licking deep into his mouth and hearing that soft moan that Richie replayed a million times in his brain. He looked down to see he was hard, unmistakably hard and groaned with regret. God, it was like he was 16 all over again, rubbing one out to a celebrity crush. 

He finished the shower and got dressed, looking himself over in the mirror. He was dressed in a deep red collared shirt and wore an open black blazer. Black slacks complemented his thighs, along with red mid-calf socks that sported little white flowers. The outfit was finished off with his dad’s old brown dress shoes. They fit him very comfortable and made him feel like… like more of a man. Yes, his dad was a total prick, but he oozed respect and dominance, which was something Richie struggled to grasp. He felt more confident when he looked at himself in the mirror, dressed sharply in deep red couture. 

Beverly came into his room and wolf-whistled, making Richie turn a deep shade of red that came quite close to matching his shirt.

“HOT DAMN!” She said, slapping Richie’s ass.

“Hey!” He shouted, rubbing his backside. “That hurt.”

Beverly patted his cheek and pouted. “Aww, good.” She checked the time on her phone and made a face. “Yikes, you better get going or else you’ll miss your date with smoking-hot Kaspbrak. If I was you, I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to get a piece of that.” She made obscene gestures with her pelvis, making Richie’s blush worse and causing him to walk towards the front door in a panic.

He put on his coat and grabbed his keys, making sure to stuff them in his pocket, and applied a bit of chapstick to his lips and put that in his pocket too. He rubbed his lips together, studying himself in the mirror, trying his best to breathe deeply and calm himself down. Big deal, he was only going on a date with the love of his life…

“Richie!”

He turned around to get encompassed in a hug by his best friend, who squeezed him tight and brushed off a bit of dust off his blazer. “You’re gonna do great, Rich. Just be yourself. He’s already smitten with you, so anything stupid you do isn’t gonna hurt your chance to get laid tonight.”

Richie rolled his eyes and kissed Beverly’s cheek. “I love you, Marsh.”

“I love you too Trashmouth! You got it!” 

He glanced over his shoulder and gave her a quick smile, then opened the door, out into the stark night. 

  
  
  
  


He got there at 7:55 pm and walked up to the hostess, who was busy concentrating on the screen that was installed into the little stand.

“Um, hi. I’m Richie Tozier, with a reservation at 8 for a party of two,” he said awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck and tapping his foot. 

She looked up and gave him a bright smile, which eased the tension a bit. “Your table will be ready in a few moments, Mr. Tozier.”

Richie smiled slightly and nodded, then stood over by the side of the waiting area. A man then stepped into the restaurant, his trench coat billowing behind him, and Richie almost passed out.

“Eddie…,” he said, softly. The way he looked knocked the wind out of Richie, just like the day they met. It wasn’t even because of the way he dressed -- although that was pretty attractive -- it was the way he carried himself. He seemed more confident, more sure of himself. Eddie was so young his freshman year of high school. Now, he was all grown-up, and more gorgeous than ever. How did he not see this in the park? Must’ve been focused on other things...

Eddie looked over at him and gave him the biggest shit-eating grin possible. “Richie!” The younger man hugged him immediately, letting go as quickly as he had grabbed Richie and held him tight. 

“God, you look amazing, Eds.”

A light blush spread over Eddie’s face, easy to spot in the lighting of the restaurant. “Thanks, Rich. You don’t look too shabby yourself.”

“Oh, well, I had help. Beverly is a fashion genius.”

Eddie chuckled a bit. “I had help too. Stan apparently has a knack for fashion as well. I don’t know why he went into accounting instead of the arts.”

“Tozier, party of two,” the hostess called out, looking towards Richie and Eddie.

Richie placed his hand around Eddie’s waist like he used to when they were younger. It made Eddie feel more comfortable as they moved through the restaurant and were seated at a table in the corner, in front of a window that looked out onto the street. They were secluded, with only a little candle to cast a bit of light on their rosy faces.

Richie took off Eddie’s coat with a sweep, placing it on his chair and pulling it out for Eddie. 

“Wow, Richie, when did you become such a gentleman?” Eddie teased, settling into his chair.

The older man took off his coat and placed it on his chair, promptly sitting down and scooting in. “When did you become such an old man? You should probably be back in the 1940s, studying academia at the nearest private institution, fantasizing about classmates and murder.” 

Eddie scoffed. “Like I said, Stan dressed me, so blame him. I’m sure you guys will have a lot to say come next week.”

“Oh, I’m sure we will. He must routinely shove a stick up his ass because that’s the only way he could be so uptight. But, not as uptight as you, Eduardo. You take the grand prize for being a prick.”

“What? I’m not a prick. You’re the prick!”

“That’s your comeback? Shifting the blame? I thought three years of Derry without me would teach you how to insult people better. Although, you did a fine job of doing it freshman year.”

“Fuck off, asshole. You’re lucky I even came here tonight.”

“Aw, Eds, I truly am. I would have no idea what to do with myself if you weren’t here with me. You are, of course, the light of my life.”

Eddie looked up from his menu and scoffed, quickly looking back down, Richie easily spotting the blush. Some things never changed, he guessed, smirking.

“So, Eddie, are there any special ladies in your life?”

The younger man looked up, his face emotionless. “Other than your mother, no one.”

Richie chuckled at that, leaning back in his chair. “But, no, seriously. I’m sure you got all the chicks in high school. You were pre-tty irresistible back then. Still are now.”

“No, dipshit, I never “got all the chicks in high school”. What about you? Do you have a special lady in your life, here in New York? Other than my mother, of course.”

Richie smiled, leaning forward now. “Nope, no special ladies. At least, not now. I did have a girlfriend, though, Samantha, when I first moved here. She helped me confirm the fact that I’m gay as hell.”

Eddie’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. “I-I had no idea you were. I just thought you’d sleep with anyone.” His voice was hinted with a bit of sarcasm.

“I… I mean, I used to. But, I realized that sleeping around really isn’t the way to go, anymore. I wanna find someone and settle down. You know?”

Eddie took this seriously, nodding and looking deep into those chocolate brown eyes. “Yeah, I know.”

“So, if you didn’t get any chicks, did you get any men ?”

The younger man laughed nervously. “I did, actually. A guy named Bryan. We went on one date, but not really a date, I guess. It was more of an intense make-out session in the back of his car. I’ve never told anyone about that… but I broke it off after the first few times when I realized he didn’t want an actual relationship.”

“How noble of you, Sir Kaspbrak.”

Eddie waved his hand, looking back at his menu. “Oh, you know, I wanted something real. Similar... to your situation.”

The waitress finally came around, spewing out the specials and asking for their drink orders. Richie ordered a bottle of wine, neither of them IDed, thankfully.

“I’m not even 21, Rich,” Eddie joked.

“That didn’t stop you from drinking at Brandon Sharpe’s party.”

That memory hit him hard and fast. Brandon Sharpe’s party… damn. He could barely remember what happened, other than drinking a beer with Richie and being driven home by Bev and Ben. 

“I don’t even remember what happened during that party. It’s all spotty.”

Richie drummed his fingers on the table. “Maybe one day I’ll fill you in on the details.”

Eddie scoffed, making Richie’s heart all gooey. “As if you even remember what happened. You were probably black-out drunk too.”

“You have some pretty high standards for me, Kaspbrak. I’m not black-out drunk all the time. I’ll take you to one of the ass-kissing rich people parties my manager forces me to go to. You’ll be surprised at how suave I can be.”

“Oh yeah, you’re a real James Bond, trashmouth. Impress everyone with your make-out techniques.”

“Aw, Eddie, I promise those techniques are for your lips, and your lips only.”

“Hm, yeah. You promise we’re gonna make-out after you pay the bill and get out of here?”

“I promise Eduardo. Everything I do is for you.”

Eddie didn’t know whether or not that was sarcastic.

The waitress came back around with the wine, pouring each of them hefty glasses. She then took their dinner orders, leaving the two men to joke and laugh about random shit. Richie told Eddie about his experiences in the comedy world, about all the small clubs he performed at, and how he was discovered. He did a bit of stand-up too, leaving Eddie breathless with laughter, slapping the table and wiping his eyes.

The younger man told a few stories about Derry, especially about all the shit he got into sophomore year with Ben and Bill, specifically the time they explored the abandoned Neibolt House and Bill got so scared he shit himself. That left Richie breathless too, forced to take off his glasses and set them on the table.

Richie seemed even more beautiful when his face was red, smiling, and happy. It took all of Eddie’s self-control to not reach across the table and kiss Richie square on the mouth. Fuck, what he would give in order to make-out with Richie, run his hands through those curls, rip off that shirt that accentuated his big chest, take off those dress slacks--

“For you, sir, the risotto al funghi ,” the waitress spoke, placing the pasta in front of Eddie, “and the abbondante pizza for you, sir.” She placed the other dish in front of Richie.

Eddie cleared his throat, his collar becoming suddenly constricting. He was really hot in the turtleneck, pulling the fabric away from his body in distress. He really needed to stop fantasizing about Richie in public places.

Richie dug into his pizza, biting enormous chunks, but with an air of dignity that quietly let people know he wasn’t a total slob. Eddie carefully twirled his pasta and tried to start a new conversation, clearing his mind of the way Richie would look on his knees.

“So, Rich… are you still smoking?”

He looked up, swallowing down a bite of pizza. “I quit a couple of years ago. I sneak a few occasionally when I’m stressed about work or some shit. The only addiction I haven’t been able to quit is you, Eds.”

“Ha ha. I’m pretty sure you quit me three years ago.”

Richie looked surprised, setting his slice of pizza down. “What do you mean?”

Eddie stared him in the eye, his mouth now a firm line. “The morning you left Derry. You never said goodbye. I thought you dropped me that day. That’s why I never talked to you after you left! Because I…”

Richie’s heart dropped at Eddie’s face.

“Why did you leave without saying goodbye, Richie?”

The older man looked at the ground, his eyes becoming blurry. He knew why.

Richie was so fed up with the lies he was told on a daily basis. Every day, in and out, the same old thing over and over again. Performing stand-up, pissing off Steve, getting raging drunk and going home with someone… he wanted it all to stop. And it did when he saw Eddie again. The shitty, depressing life he was living gave him a fucking sliver of hope, and he took it, forgetting that things never work out for him. And when that hope ran out, he wasn’t even surprised. Just another ride on the merry-go-round with Richard fuckin’ Tozier. Same old guy, he can’t change, cause he’s just one screw too loose for anybody to love. 

“Because I’m in love with you, Eddie. I always have been. And I was too scared to face you before I left. I knew I wouldn’t be able to help myself seeing you for the last time. And I couldn’t do that to you. You… You were 15! I was an adult, ready to start my life. I didn’t have the heart to lead you on. I love you too much to let anything bad happen to you, even if that bad thing was me.”

Eddie looked horrified, his hand clenching the edge of the table. “God, Rich, why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

“Because I was scared, Eddie. I couldn’t handle losing my best friend… but, I guess I managed to screw that up anyhow.”

Richie stood up suddenly, gingerly setting down a few twenty-dollar bills and wrapping his coat around his shoulders. “I should probably go. I don’t have the right to walk back into your life, after everything I did to you. I’ll see you around, Eds.” He walked out of the restaurant, so quickly that Eddie didn’t have time to process everything he said. It was a minute before he rushed out of the restaurant, back into the starless night of New York.

Eddie caught sight of Richie at the end of the street, turning the corner into some alley. “RICHIE!” He screamed, his legs pounding against the pavement, his breath hollow, and his heart beating out of his chest. It was like he was being chased by Henry Bowers and his gang all over again. He felt like he was 14, carrying his stupid little inhaler in his fanny pack, rambling over the anxieties that poked and prodded his mind, getting lost in the disarray of high school hallways, being slapped and hit and kicked and punched by all the people who carried so much hate… his bullies, his old friends… his mother. But, the one thing that truly made him feel young again, the one upside to all the shit he withstood in Derry, was Richie. Bickering with him behind the bleachers, slapping him when he insulted his mom, tangling his hair at two in the morning, feeling the way his lips felt against his… what?

That night. That party. Richie. Him. The way he was pressed into the counter, wrapping his legs around Richie and kissing him like his life depended on it. Feeling the way he breathed deeply into Eddie’s mouth, the way he would groan whenever Eddie pressed deeper. 

FUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!

Eddie finally reached Richie, who stood at the end of the alley, his face a wreck, crying into the side of his coat. But, still, he was as brave as the day he saved Eddie. The day both of them knew that their lives would intertwine, no matter how much they pushed the other away. That was the day Richie taught Eddie to always stand up for himself, when he was whispering in his ear, in the process of getting patched up by Bill. No matter what the situation is, you gotta keep pushing and fighting because life is always fucking worth it. Even if today wasn’t a good day, there is always a chance to make things right. And, right here in the middle of everything, there was a chance to make things right. And Eddie was not going to pass that by. 

He walked up to Richie, standing a few feet away from him. Eddie breathed deeply and began to speak. “I fell in love with you, truly fell in love with you that night at Brandon Sharpe’s party. I guess now you don’t have to fill me in on the details, cause… because I remember now, Rich. I remember it all.” He walked closer to Richie, and grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers. “I started crushing on you the moment you bashed Henry’s brain with that baseball bat. You were my knight in shining armor, rescuing the damsel in distress. And that night… I’m glad you never brought that up back then. Cause, you are right, I was too young to understand what love really meant. But, dude, you’re so fucking stupid! Why the hell didn’t you ever call me or at least send me a text or fuckin’... sent a message through a carrier pigeon, I don’t know. I can excuse the former behavior, but not the latter. Also, Rich, you have every single motherfucking right to walk back into my life. But, God, I hope you never have to walk back into my life because I could never handle you leaving again. Not after what mulled in my brain for the past three years. You turned my noggin into a pile of mush.”

Richie laughed at that, swinging Eddie’s hand, his nose sniffling a bit. “Well, you have a beautiful noggin, even if it’s a pile of mush. A-And I’m sorry I never talked to you… I was young and dumb and hopelessly in love with you, too much to ever speak to you again.”

“Sure, sure you were. Or maybe you were just too lazy, asswipe.”

“Hey! I’m not lazy, stop being mean.”

“Okay, okay, try to focus here. I’m confessing my love for you.”

“Oh, right. Continue.”

“The moment you walked out of my life was the moment I rethought everything I had done. I put everything into school, work, the rest of the losers. I did everything to keep me from thinking of you. You were like fucking kryptonite to me, Richie. I loved you so much it wasn’t even bearable. It hurt so goddamn much, thinking of you having a perfect life in New York, and me, stuck in a Derry rut with nowhere to go. You, Richard Tozier, are the most beautiful, stupid, kind, amazing person I have ever met. And I want to spend the rest of my goddamn life with you. Because loving you, although quite confusing, is the best thing I could ever do.”

Richie was sobbing now, frantically wiping his eyes, trying to calm himself down, but with no prevail. “Eddie… oh, God, Eddie, I am so sorry you fell for this flaming sack of shit. How the hell are you saying these things? I don’t deserve you, Eduardo. FUCK! You’re too good for this world, baby.”

Eddie smiled, big and wide, as Richie finally got himself together. “There’s just one more thing I gotta say, Rich. Or, rather, do.”

“What’s that?”

Eddie grabbed the collar of Richie’s shirt and kissed him, hard and square on the mouth. Richie was very surprised by this, of course, but managed to pick up Eddie around his waist and kiss him back.

The younger man wrapped his legs around the other’s waist, giggling into his mouth, now softly kissing him and letting himself submit to Richie’s 007 make-out techniques. He was actually pretty good, no matter how much Eddie didn’t want to admit that to himself.

Richie’s tongue pushed into Eddie’s mouth, and he let out that soft moan that Richie missed so goddamn much. Eddie began to pull at Rich’s curls, tugging them lightly, making the older man growl and kiss deeper, leaving the two of them breathless between kisses.

“I really wanna fuck you in this alley, but I’m guessing you might have something against that,” Richie whispered, proceeding to suck the bottom of Eddie’s lip.

“Well duh, Rich. Do you know how many diseases we could contract just by standing here?”

Richie smiled, kissing Eddie again, licking over his teeth feeling the grooves of his mouth. “You can tell me all about it on the ride home.” He set Eddie down, grabbing his hand and leading him back onto the main street. Eddie willingly followed along, running his fingers through his hair in the night wind. Hailing a taxi was second nature to Richie, and as they both scooted into the backseat of one, he couldn’t help himself but kissing the younger man on the cheek, all sweet and gentle. Richie told the cab driver his address, and then they were off, twisting down city streets and navigating the never-ending traffic.

Eddie held his hand tight, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the crease of his hand. Richie put his arm around Eddie, who nestled his head into the crook of Richie’s neck, breathing in the scent of the older man. It felt like home when he was with Richie. Like he was where he was meant to be… even if that place was a cabin in the middle of nowhere or a penthouse in a big city, as long as Richie was there, then he would be okay. 

They finally reached the townhouse, Richie paying the driver and unlocking the door, turning back to Eddie once they were in the entrance hall. He took that opportunity to slam Eddie back into the door and press their lips together, his hands settling on his waist, gripping him tightly. Eddie clasped his hands around Richie’s neck, rubbing his knee against Richie’s dick, enjoying the noise Richie made when the friction occurred. He placed light kisses on the side of Eddie’s neck, licking along his jawline and back into his mouth. 

“Fuck, Eds, you’re gonna make me cum already.”

“Isn’t that the whole point?”

Richie laughed and picked Eddie up, walking up the stairs as they both giggled unrelentlessly, their emotions getting the best of them. He dropped Eddie on the bed, who then proceeded to take his coat and turtleneck off, hurling them over the side of the bed. Richie did the same, standing in front of Eddie, wondering what to do next. Eddie looked up at him, with those big doe eyes and smiled wide, patting the spot next to him. “You better get here fast or I’m gonna get off without you.”

Richie took the hint and scrambled up onto the bed, Eddie swinging his leg over Richie’s thighs and grinding into his crotch. He could feel his cock -- already hard and beading with precum underneath those dress slacks. He leaned down and began to softly suck at Richie’s lips, licking behind his teeth and grinding harder and harder into his cock. Richie made a choking sound when he did this, groaning deeply at the mercy of Eddie. He thrust his hips up to meet Eddie, making the younger man’s breath hitch, a little moan escaping from his small mouth. 

Eddie began to undo Richie’s pants, shifting farther down his legs.

“Lift up,” he said, and Richie complied, letting Eddie pull down his pants and underwear. Eddie stared at his cock and made a strangled noise. “Richie! What the fuck! What the fuck!”

“What?” Richie asked, his breathing labored.

“How the fuck is your dick so big ?”

“I don’t know Eds, it just is. What? Is it too big for you?” Richie smirked.

“Uh, hell no. I mean, it’s a lot, but nothing I can’t manage.” He stroked it, Richie moaning deeply without warning.

“Fuck Eddie, I’m gonna cum already.”

Eddie began to stroke his dick, gentle, and licked the slit. 

“Fucking shit. God fucking shit,” Richie panted, rubbing Eddie’s nipple with his thumb, trying to distract himself from the way Eddie looked with his mouth around his dick. He finally couldn’t take it anymore and came around Eddie’s mouth, the younger man managing to catch it all and swallow, much to Richie’s surprise. Eddie found that he actually enjoyed the taste of Richie’s cum, savoring it all, licking the rest on his dick. He then leaned back towards Richie and kissed him softly, rubbing his hand over Richie’s chest.

“How was that, Rich?” Eddie teased, kissing the corner of Richie’s mouth.

“Un-fucking-believable Eduardo.” Richie ran his hands through Eddie’s hair, admiring the way he looked in the lowlights of his room. “God Eds… you’re so beautiful. So fucking beautiful.”

Eddie smiled and kissed Richie’s chest, laying his head against Richie’s beating hard. “Thanks, Chee.” He looked back at Richie and kissed his neck. “I should probably take a shower. I don’t want to sleep with your fuckin’ cum all over me.”

Richie looked at the other man mischievously. “Can I join you?”

Eddie pushed himself off, standing up and taking off his pants. “Sure.” 

Richie didn’t have enough time to take a good look at Eddie before he walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Richie finally got up and out of the bed and leaned in the doorway of the bathroom, admiring Eddie, who stood under the lukewarm water with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes and saw Richie staring at him, his mouth hanging open slightly. “Well, you gonna get in here Rich?”

“Um, yes.” Richie stepped in, looking down at Eddie, who just smirked up at him. He leaned down and kissed Eddie, softly and slowly, savoring the way he felt under the warm water. Richie grabbed handfuls of his ass, lifting his leg and pushing deeper into Eddie’s mouth. Eddie rubbed Richie’s nipple with his left hand, the other hand wrapped around Richie’s neck.

Richie began to kiss his neck, collarbone, chest, then licked his nipple, Eddie moaning louder than intended and grabbing hold of Richie’s curls, twisting a few pieces between his fingers. He sucked his nipple and began to trail kisses down Eddie’s stomach until he was leaving a mark on his hip and listening to the way Eddie’s breath hitched with every move Richie made. 

“Rich…” Eddie spoke softly, running his fingers through Richie’s hair.

Richie looked up at Eddie, then got down on his knees and teased Eddie, kissing his inner thigh and squeezing Eddie’s ass. He finally licked Eddie’s shaft, feeling the younger man’s body shiver in pleasure. 

“Fuckin’ hell, Rich. You know, you’re not obligated to suck my dick. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Trust me Eds. This is something that I want to do.”

And with that, Richie took in Eddie’s length with one swallow, leaving Eddie to grip the side of the wall and yelp. Richie bobbed his head up and down, going deeper with every stroke. Eddie breathed heavily, once again pulling Richie’s hair and getting so aroused he felt like he was about to drop dead of a heart attack. 

Richie looked up at Eddie, whose cheeks were flushed and his hair sticking out on one side. Still, he looked beautiful, especially with the way he kept moaning “Richie” over and over again. Eddie finally opened his eyes to see Richie looking at him, hotter than usual with Eddie’s dick in his mouth. He pulled harder on Richie’s hair, making Richie bob his head farther until he had all of Eddie’s length in him. God, Richie was really good at giving blowjobs… Eddie shuddered every time Richie moved his tongue in one way or another, gripping Rich’s hair with a tight fierceness that only pushed Richie on.

“Rich… Richie… I’m gonna cum -- God, I’m gonna cum… shit uhhhh…”

Eddie cummed into Richie’s mouth, his hands digging deep into the older man’s scalp and making that noise that Richie always enjoyed. Richie stood up and gave Eddie a chaste kiss. “Nice work, bucko.”

“Uh yeah same to you… fuck.” Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck, feeling the warmth of his skin pressing against him. “How are you so good at those?”

“Natural talent. Never sucked one dick in my life.” Richie kissed the top of Eddie’s head, wiping away a few strands of hair.

“Ha ha, Rich. Even I know that’s a lie.”

“Hm, right. Well, you’re the only dick I’ve enjoyed sucking.”

Eddie leaned back and looked up at Richie. “Aw, babe, really?”

Richie held on tighter to Eddie’s waist. “Really.”

The water was starting to turn cold, so the two got out and dried off, shooting the shit like the old days… even if the two were naked, having just had sex. Richie gave Eddie a random shirt that was big on him, so of course, Richie had to tease Eddie about his small stature, leaving Eddie to do the only reasonable thing: challenge him to a duel. The two wrestled for a few minutes, Richie coming out as victorious when he pinned down Eddie and gave him a sloppy kiss.

“Aw, I really had hope for you there Eds.”

“Shut up asshole. I’m tired.”

Richie chuckled and placed another kiss on Eddie’s forehead. “Okay, Princess Eddie, whatever you want.” He picked up Eddie, bridal style, and dropped him on the bed with a startled noise and a disgruntled expression. Richie curled up next to Eddie, climbing under the covers and wrapping his arms and legs and various limbs around the younger man.

“You’re smothering me, Rich.”

“Oh come on. You love it.”

Richie and Eddie quickly fell asleep, spooning in Richie’s bed, laying on damp pillows and soiled sheets. And New York City seemed quiet, which was quite unusual for the city that never slept. Finally, everything in the world seemed at peace, seemed in place. It felt like coming home for the first time in a long time. That moment when you step through the door to your favorite people, to the things you love and the moments you cherish. It’s not necessarily where you grew up or where you are right now. Some people spend years searching, only to find it was right under their nose the whole time. But, everyone finds it, in time. For when you’ve found home, you’ll know it, deep in your soul. 

And the two knew. They knew well enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo i've been writing more consistenly, so the next chapter should be out on May 23.  
> have an amazing day and stay healthy!!
> 
> also I made a Tumblr. it's @nothing-resolved or https://nothing-resolved.tumblr.com/


	8. blow all my friendships / to sit in hell with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from "the louvre" by lorde. i'm in love with her.
> 
> hi! how was your day? i hope it was good.  
> honestly I have no idea when I'm going to end this fic, but it'll probably be in the next few chapters. i still have a few scenes in mind to write, but eventually their little story will end. and I have other fics to write ;)  
> I'm glad I set up an actual schedule for the fic... it keeps me in check.   
> anyway, please enjoy this chapter!!

“Bev, I’m so sorry to say this, but you’re delusional.” Ben held a spoon dripping with pancake batter and pointed it at Beverly, who was slumped on a barstool, arms crossed on the kitchen counter, and her make-up from last night smudged ever so slightly. 

“Honey, baby, angel… I am not delusional.”

Ben made a face and turned back to his pancakes.

“I’m not!” Beverly whined, rubbing her palms against the smooth surface. “I know what I heard. And I heard… things.”

“Oh, things, huh? What kind of things?” Ben finished up the batter and turned on a burner, placing a pan on top of the neatly lit fire. He carefully tossed a pad of butter on the pan and then turned around to see Beverly’s disgruntled expression. 

“You know! Sex sounds!”

Her boyfriend raised an eyebrow. “Sex sounds?”

Beverly leaned forward on the stool and stage whispered. “Yes! Sex sounds!”

Ben went back to their breakfast, pouring two elegant circles of pancake batter onto the pan. “It was probably just Richie jacking off if anything. There’s no way Eddie agreed to sleep with him.”

“Hey! Don’t say that!”

Snickering, Ben walked around the counter and gave his girlfriend a kiss. “Aw come on, you know I’m teasing. Maybe Eddie  _ did  _ sleep with Richie. I won’t put it against him if he did. I’ll just know that his standards are  _ incredibly  _ low.”

Beverly hit Ben in the side and pushed him away, making Ben laugh and walk back to his pancakes.

A shuffling of feet was then heard from upstairs, and a creak from the staircase welcomed Richie into the kitchen, who stumbled in bleary-eyed and hoarse-voiced. He noticed that both Beverly and Ben were staring at him like he was an alien from another galaxy that had long tentacles protruding from his mouth and six eyes. “What’s up with you guys? Didn’t know I was  _ that _ ugly.” Richie yawned and sat next to Beverly, eyeing the pancakes. 

Beverly turned to Richie, cocking her head slightly and resting her chin in the palm of her hand. “How was your date with Eddie last night?”

Richie grinned, glancing towards Beverly with an unmistakable look in his eyes.

“You slept with Eddie?” Beverly yelled, Richie reaching his hands to press them against her lips in retaliation. 

“Shhhh don’t wake him up,” Richie spoke, looking towards the stairs frantically.

_ Sorry!  _ Beverly mouthed, stealing a sip of the coffee Ben handed Richie a moment ago. Richie tugged it away from her and chugged half of it, setting it back down on the counter like he had just thrown back a shot.

“So,” Beverly teased, “how was it?”

Richie turned back to her with a dreamy look on his face. “Better than anything I have ever done or felt in my  _ entire _ life. It’s like God extended out his hand to me, and I took it, because who the hell would reject God?”

“If I remember, you did,” Ben said, setting down a pancake before Richie and Beverly.

“That’s beside the point,” Richie yawned. “Just because I’m an atheist doesn’t mean I’m stupid enough to not have sex with Eddie Kaspbrak.”

Beverly raised the bottle of syrup like she was giving a toast. “Amen!”

Ben rolled his eyes and made three more pancakes, coating them with a thick layer of butter. The other two didn’t hesitate to dig in, pouring a sea of syrup and a heavy shower of powdered sugar onto their pancakes. They ate like the heathens they were, slurping at the one cup of coffee since Ben wouldn’t make Beverly’s very specific, vegan non-fat coffee, and Beverly was too stubborn to make it herself. 

“I’m gonna head back upstairs,” Richie chirped, clearing his plate and placing it in the sink. “Don’t wanna Eddie to wake up alone.”

Beverly made kissy faces as Richie walked up the stairs, opening the door to his room to find a sleeping Eddie Kaspbrak, just where he last left him. He sat on the bed next to Eddie, stroking his hair and kissing his temple. Eddie woke up with a little grunt, turning his head to see Richie beaming down at him.

“Good morning Eduardo.” Richie kissed him fully on the mouth this time, a small peck to help Eddie wake up.

He muttered something close to ‘good morning’ and fell back in bed, clutching the hem of Richie’s shirt and clearing his throat. 

“You know, you have to get out of bed  _ eventually _ ,” Richie crooned, looking out at the asphalt street, bordered with golden-red trees and neat little bushes. A few rays of sun cast themselves on Eddie, detailing his straight nose and his soft eyes. Little flecks of gold were peppered among the deep brown, swimming together, dazzling Richie as he studied them.  _ God, Eddie was so beautiful. So goddamn beautiful. _ “Ben made pancakes.”

“Pancakes?” Eddie gurgled, looking Richie in the eye with a small smile. He sat up and wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck, breathing in his scent, something he would never be able to get enough of. He felt safe in his arms, all wrapped up in Richie’s oversized frame, brushing against his stubble and minty breath. Eddie leaned back and kissed Richie softly, barely making contact with his lips. “Okay. I’ll get up.”

Richie pulled Eddie up with a comical heave and grabbed his hand before they started walking downstairs. Ben was finishing up with the pancake-making, and Beverly had retired to the couch to watch some medical show from last night. The two men sat in front of the counter, Ben placing a couple of pancakes in front of Eddie and shooting him a wink. Eddie smiled back, then began to carefully spread a film of butter on the pancakes, and poured syrup on the plate, dipping each piece he cut in the pool of amber syrup. Richie texted Steve absentmindedly on his phone, discussing plans for a performance at a comedy club tomorrow night.

It was going to be this quiet thing, probably with an audience of 30 people all boozed up from previous clubbing. They would be wasted, fucked-up, cash-strapped, and ready for a good laugh. And Richie would deliver, because who wouldn’t want to perform to a bunch of rich partiers who would pay a shit ton of money to see  _ the  _ Richie Tozier (and not even remember it in the morning)? 

Eddie glanced over at Richie, who was now immersed in some stupid mobile game that probably sucked his bank account dry. “So… what do you have goin' on today?” Eddie asked, stabbing a piece of pancake and popping it into his mouth.

“Uh… not much. I’m performing at a small club _tomorrow_ night, but that’s about it.” Richie looked up from his phone and pinched Eddie’s cheek. “Wanna go out? I can show you around the city.”

Eddie pushed Richie’s hand away and swallowed his bite. “I don’t think you're qualified enough to give me a tour of New York City. You’d probably show me a subway rat and call it a day.”

Richie pouted and wrapped his arm around Eddie’s waist. “Does ye really have such little faith in me? Honest to god, we’ll have a fun time. I promise.”

Eddie smiled covertly and kissed the pout off of Richie’s face. “Fine. But I am  _ not _ , under any circumstances, riding the fuckin’ subway. That shit is disgusting.”

“Whatever you say, my liege.” Richie hopped off the stool and hugged Eddie from behind, kissing the back of his neck and ruffling his hair.

“Oh, also, we have to swing by my place before we do any sightseeing. I need to change into my own clothes, and not your fucking neon, corny disgraces of fashion.”

“ _ Wow _ . That’s hurtful. I happen to think my neon, corny t-shirts are doing wonders for the fashion industry. Soon enough, every Beverly Hills bitch will be sporting a tee from the Richie Tozier collection. Watch it happen, Eds.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and wriggled out of Richie’s hug, putting his dish in the sink and walking back upstairs. Richie tagged along and rifled around in his drawers until he found something to wear that would earn him side-eye from Eddie. 

The two walked out of the front door and caught a taxi, arriving at Eddie’s apartment in twenty minutes. On the ride there, Richie kept fidgeting his leg, distracted by the rolling cityscape as he rubbed the pad of his thumb over Eddie’s hand. Eddie glanced at Richie a few times, here and there, giving him little assuring squeezes. Their eyes met a couple of times, but Richie looked away quickly, like a nervous teenager on his first date. 15 minutes into the drive, Eddie grabbed Richie’s jaw and kissed him chastely, trying to make a point that there wasn’t any reason to be nervous. Eddie would always be there for Richie because he loved him. Richie didn’t know this. I mean, he knew Eddie loved him, but he was scared he actually didn’t. All the other relationships Richie had ended up being total disasters, usually because his occasional fling was only using him for his growing fame or wealth. And he didn’t want to be another scandal in a tabloid. He wanted a love that blossomed quietly, that didn’t have to be public for all eager eyes to consume and obsess over. Richie just wanted Eddie, simply Eddie. The way he poked Richie in the ribs when he was annoyed, the way he talked at a million miles of hours, cursing like a sailor without coming up for air, and the way he held himself. No wind or current could blow Eddie over. He was strong, bolted to the ground with confidence that Richie didn’t even know existed. So when Eddie kissed him, defiant nature peeking through, Richie’s fears started to loosen their grip. And he kissed Eddie back because he knew that Eddie meant what he did and said. The things he said the night before were true.  _ They were true.  _

Eddie rested his head on Richie's shoulder, the older man wrapping his arm around the younger one’s shoulders. They held each other like that until they stopped at the apartment, paying and climbing out of the cab, and then walking up the stairs. Eddie inserted and twisted the key, opening the door, revealing Stan and Mike making out on the couch.

“ _ Fuck! _ ” Stan toppled off the couch onto the carpet. 

“Stan! Are you okay?” Mike helped him up, standing awkwardly as the two looked over towards Richie and Eddie. “We didn’t know you would be home, Eddie.”

“Oh whatever Mike, it’s not like I haven’t caught you guys messing around before.” Eddie leaned in the doorway and smirked.

Richie cleared his throat and spoke up. “It’s good to see you guys again. I… I didn’t know you three lived together.”

Mike smiled sappily and practically ran over to Richie, giving him a bear hug and clapping him on the back. “Man, Richie! I didn’t know we would run into you before the meet-up!” He stepped back and noticed the way Richie now had his hand on Eddie’s back. “I guess the date went pretty well?”

Stan stepped in and gave Richie a hug too. “Clearly. Probably fucked each other last night.”

Eddie turned red and walked into the kitchen. “Stanley! Shut the fuck up!”

“That’s no fun,” Stan pouted. 

“Okay, I’m gonna change and wash-up. Richie, don’t do anything stupid. I’ll be back in ten minutes.” Eddie gave him a stern look and walked into his room, and started to rifle through his wardrobe.

“So, Rich, how was the date?” Mike leaned against the counter and smiled.

Richie blushed and pushed a few strands of hair out of his face. “Oh, you know, just fucking fantastic.”

Stan made a ‘go on’ gesture, leaning into Mike’s frame and wrapping his arm around his waist.

“It was really nice at first. Fuckin’ awesome. We talked about stories from the past few years, bickered about random shit… then, uh, I said something wrong. Or, I don’t know… I just remember confessing to Eddie and walking out on him… for the second time.” Richie stood by the door, messing around with the lint in his pockets. His eyes were cast towards the ground, clearly ashamed by his behavior from last night. “He ended up catching up to me and, well, he confessed to me too.” Richie chuckled dryly. “Turns out neither of us can live without the other.”

Stan and Mike’s eyes were welling up with tears, clutching each other tightly. They couldn’t even imagine being separated for a week… how the hell did Richie and Eddie do it for all those years?

“Guys, stop, this isn’t a sob story,” Richie spluttered, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “It’s all good now. Eddie and I… he’s not going anywhere, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Mike and Stan still wrapped their arms around Richie for the second time, understanding the trials he went through in order to end up with Eddie again. They knew it first hand from Eddie, being the ones who comforted the younger man when he got caught up on Richie for the millionth time. 

“I love you guys,” Richie breathed, wiping his nose on Mike’s shoulder and steadying his breathing. 

The three let go, Mike ruffling Richie’s hair, even if he was an inch taller. “Of course, Rich.”

Eddie came back out, beautiful as ever. He caught Richie’s eyes and smiled slightly, sensing the change in mood.

“Eddie, you got yourself a good man here,” Stan announced, patting Richie’s chest.

“Trust me. I know.” He grabbed Richie’s hand and opened the front door. “I’ll see you guys later tonight!”

Stan and Mike hollered goodbye, retiring to the couch once Richie and Eddie left. You can imagine what they got up to once the front door closed and locked. 

  
  
  


Richie didn’t know where he would take Eddie at first. It was only on the taxi ride to Eddie’s apartment that he figured it out. The taxi driver had on a radio station, a baseball station to be specific. The sports broadcaster announced that the Yankees were playing in two hours, a day game at Yankee Stadium (how aptly named) versus… well, Richie didn’t catch that part, but he did purchase two tickets, managing to get seats pretty close to the field. 

So, when Richie and Eddie arrived at Yankee Stadium thirty minutes later, Eddie was quietly pleased. Still, he bitched about the situation.

“A baseball game? You’re taking me to a fuckin’ baseball game?”

Richie grinned lopsidedly and took Eddie’s hand in his. “What’s so wrong with a baseball game?”

“Uh, first of all, there are a shit ton of people just milling around, eating crap food, and drinking copious amounts of alcohol.” Eddie put his other hand on his hip and Richie smirked. “Second of all, we could get hit by a fucking baseball and get concussed! Or a baseball bat could shatter and impale us!”

Richie barked out a laugh. “Impale us? Eddie, sweetie, I promise that no harm will come to you.”

Eddie started to walk towards the stadium gates. “Yeah, you’ll save me by sacrificing yourself. I don’t need a hero, Richie. I just need someone who’ll be there for me.”

“Woah, no time to get serious here, Eduardo. But, I do know that. That’s why I’m never gonna leave you. Even when I die from making too many mom jokes, I’ll haunt your fine ass for the rest of your life. Then, when  _ you  _ die, we can have ghost sex.”

Eddie made a face and pulled Richie into a security line. He swung their hands back and forth, enjoying the way Richie’s hand encompassed his. His hands were big and strong, very different from when they were teenagers. It seems those four years really took a toll on Richie. 

“How would that even work?” Eddie asked, looking up at Richie.

“How would what work?” 

“Ghost sex.”

Richie smirked and raised his eyebrows. “Oh, I’m sure we’d find a way.”

“Fuck off.”

Security took too fucking long for either of them to bear, but they eventually made it inside the stadium and started the journey to their seats.

“Do you want to get food before we sit down?” Richie asked, eyeing the various shops in the stadium. He always had a thing for ballpark food, even as a child. On occasion, his dad would take him to a Boston Red Sox game and make a whole trip out of it, spending the weekend in Boston, pigging out on the fast food, visiting a few family friends, and going to the beach. This only happened a few times and stopped when Richie reached the age of 14. By then, his dad was too busy to think about another trip, which was fine with Richie. So, when he came to New York, he went to a baseball game a few times, whether it was the Yankees or the Mets. Sometimes, he’d go to a football or basketball game, but he enjoyed baseball much more. Maybe it was the fact that it took him back to the simpler days of his childhood, or maybe that he was always attracted to guys who played baseball. Especially in high school, he would attend the high school baseball games with the rest of the losers in order to support Mike and Bill. But, he found himself at the games drawn to the Derry High pitcher more than he was to cheering on Bill or Mike. 

“Sure,” Eddie spoke. “What do you wanna get?”

Richie pressed his tongue to the side of his mouth and made a little noise. “Uhm, I’m thinking maybe burgers?”

“Sounds good to me.”

The two found a little burger place in the back of the stadium and waited in line for quite a while, as one does at a baseball stadium. Richie pressed his forehead into Eddie’s shoulder ten minutes into waiting, letting Eddie shrug him off and return to texting Stan when he became too heavy. They ordered, finally, and waited an equally long amount of time for the food to arrive. When it finally did, Richie was salivating heavily and snatched up a few fries and stuffed them into his mouth. 

“Good fucking’ god! I really thought I would die of starvation there.”

Eddie shook his head and picked up his own basket of food, leading Richie to the seats. It took only a few minutes to find them since Eddie had a good mind for navigating crazed fan-filled stadiums. The two settled down and began working on their lunches, happy with the result of waiting for so fucking long. The fries were covered in garlic butter that could send any man into a heart attack, and the burgers were so fucking red and juicy that Richie  _ really  _ thought he was going to have a heart attack right then and there. Fortunately, he did not.

Other people were beginning to settle in their seats, one of them managing to catch Richie’s eye when he took a breath from eating.

“Wait, aren’t you Richie Tozier?” The man asked, pointing a finger and smirking slightly.

Richie wiped his mouth with a napkin and cleared his throat, putting on a cheesy grin. “Yep! You caught me!”

“Woah, nice! Didn’t know you were a Yankees fan, man!”

“Oh yeah, definitely. Since I’ve moved here, I’ve always enjoyed coming.”

“That’s awesome, dude. Hey, would you mind taking a picture? My wife would love it.”

Richie glanced over at Eddie, who smiled and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, of course!” He happily took the selfie with the man, who thanked him and sat down in his seat, which was a few rows away. 

Richie sat back in his seat too, caught in Eddie’s stare. Eddie smirked, not with mirth or annoyance, but with love. “You’re a really nice guy, aren’t you?” He asked.

The older man ran his fingers through his hair and looked back at Eddie sheepishly. “Shut up. I mean, I try to be nice to all of my fans. Don’t wanna be known as the asshole who refuses to take a picture, you know?”

Eddie nodded. “I know.” He took Richie’s hand in his, falling into his embrace when Richie placed his arm around his shoulder. 

The game started, a ‘ _ play ball! _ ’ echoing through the stadium. The first ball was pitched, and Richie’s attention was once again captured by the sport he loved the most. And by the man he loved the most too. He really was the luckiest guy in the world, wasn’t he?

A few innings into the game, when the Yankees were leading 6-0 against the Colorado Rockies, the stadium decided that was the perfect time for the KissCam. If you’re not already familiar with a KissCam, it’s basically when a stadium goes around and picks out couples in the crowd with a camera, and has them kiss for everyone to see on the stadium screen. So, whoever was in charge of the camera today, decided to pick out Richie and Eddie. It was pretty obvious they were a couple, the way Richie had his arm around Eddie, and the way Eddie leaned into him. So, when the two appeared on the screen, Richie had half a mind to stick his tongue down Eddie’s throat. But, he realized that that probably wasn’t a good idea, since he had a  _ reputation _ to maintain. 

Richie nudged Eddie and made him look up on the screen, Eddie immediately turning a deep shade of red. Richie smiled softly and kissed him lightly, making the stadium ‘ _awwwww_ ’ collectively. Eddie kissed him back, pulling away after a moment and rolling his eyes. He easily settled back into Richie’s shoulder, making the older man hold him tighter than before. 

They watched the game silently, until they got ice cream in the sixth inning and bitched about the best ice cream shop and different flavors and whether or not the Yankees would drop Jacoby Ellsbury, a great hitter who was in his prime years ago, when he was on the Boston Red Sox. 

Richie and Eddie sang during the seventh-inning stretch, singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”, a classic that had rooted itself in Richie’s brain years ago. They swayed along and sat back down when it was done, Eddie smiling brighter than the moment before. 

The Yankees ended up winning 11-5, a game that was already guaranteed by the fourth inning when they had scored eight runs. The two walked out of the stadium hand in hand, surrounded by the droves of baseball fans, some disappointed, but most cheering with the excitement of winning yet another game. 

“Wanna share a cab? Your apartment is closer, so we can go there first, then I can have the taxi take me to the townhouse.” Richie whistled and called a taxi over, which quickly stopped by the curb. 

Eddie looked up at Richie, his face expressionless. “So you don’t want to come over to my place and suck my dick?”

Richie turned red and his mouth hung open, wanting to say something, but not finding the words. He managed to breathe out a “y-yes” as he opened the back door for Eddie. He slid in and looked back at Richie, who was still holding the door open.

“Okay, cowboy. Better hop in.” Eddie teased.

“Y-yup, yes. You got it. Fuck yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've always been a big fan of baseball. i love going to major league games and hanging out with friends + family. i was planning on going to a Mets game with my dad in august, but the big rona had other ideas. so I decided to write Richie and Eddie into a baseball game!   
> have an amazing day and stay healthy! wear masks, wash your hands, practice social distancing, all that fun stuff.  
> stay cool mothafuckas


	9. let's say we up and left this town / and turned our future upside-down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! sorry i uploaded this chapter a bit late. i had a little crisis that occurred recently. nothing big, just a small inconvenience involving my love life, but we all good now <3
> 
> the chapter title is from "house of gold" by twenty-one pilots
> 
> I'm supposed to go on vacation in the first two weeks of July, so i won't have any time to write during that period. I'll try to upload another chapter before i leave, but that's just wishful thinking ;)
> 
> still, i hope you're having an amazing summer and you're able to relax and enjoy the small things in life. the small things are always the best. i know I'll be enjoying them.
> 
> enjoy reading!

The first time Richie got up in front of a crowd was the night he drove to New York City with Beverly. Once he had performed his piece (which he had spent over a year crafting and nurturing) to an amused crowd, he experienced a high like no other. Sure, he had smoked cigarettes and blunts and dabbled in some edibles, but this feeling was absolutely insane compared to any other. It gave him purpose, passion, whereas smoking cigarettes simply numbed the world and gave it this dullness, this quiet composure. Richie would take the colorful high of performing over smoking any day. He eventually quit the cigs a couple of months later, sneaking a few here and there when things in his life became hectic.

Richie managed to attend community college for a whole-ass year before he was discovered. It wasn’t like he didn’t have the drive or the intelligence for school (Richie was very very smart compared to all the airheads back in high school), he just lacked the passion some people had for getting educated. He would rather put that passion into writing skits or telling jokes to Beverly or dreaming up elaborate schemes to get famous. And nine months into living in New York City, all that work had paid off. 

Beverly was caught up in college, pulling one-nighters more than one should, trying to finish countless fashion projects, which Richie  _ loved  _ to help with. He had many good memories of being Bevy’s model and adopting a high-fashion diva queen persona. Richie would strut around their one bedroom, one bathroom apartment, and flaunt what his mama gave him. Which, to be fair, was not a lot, but he managed to work with what he had. 

He managed to get invited to a lucrative comedy club in Manhattan, which was his golden ticket to getting into the comedy business. And after he gave his little routine and made the crowd laugh countless times, he was approached by a real business-type. Three-piece suit, shiny Italian leather shoes, and stylish sunglasses that screamed: “I’M A DOUCHE”. The guy turned out to be pretty nice, a family man who loved helping people with their far-off, impossible dreams. He was an agent, of pretty good standing, belonging to a powerful company that Richie didn’t research much before he signed the contract. Richie imagined he would get backstabbed countless times, (because that’s what happened in these kinds of movies) but it turned out that everyone pursuing comedy and the companies supporting them were pretty nice.

Richie had his first big-crowd stand-up show a few months after he was first discovered. It went  _ splendidly _ , (as Richie put it in a British accent), and earned him some real fucking recognition. Soon enough, producers and writers and event coordinators and people with gobs of money and power were giving him a second-over, an invitation to a coveted party, an opportunity to star in a movie or tv show, or join a group of writers or become a spokesperson for some crazy shit, and everything got so out of control. 

He ended up moving himself and Beverly out of their small apartment and into a slightly bigger apartment, which Ben moved into when he arrived in New York City. Of course, Big Bill decided to live on the NYU campus because he wanted the “full college experiment” or some shit. He moved in with the group sophomore year because he couldn’t bear to live without his best friends in the  _ whole entire world _ . As Richie put it.

Richie ended up joining a writing team for a new sitcom and managed to play a minor part in the show. He was new to acting, so he made sure not to audition for any lead roles, for fear that he would get casted and the producers would later find out that he was shit at acting. The show was quite successful and ended up lifting off Richie’s career even more than his stand-up had. He ended up making it onto SNL, as a writer, then six months later, a cast member. As a new comedic sensation, he went to a good amount of parties, which led to a craving for loud music, adrenaline, alcohol, and sex. He couldn’t even remember the number of dudes he hooked up with since he was drunk all of the time.

The summer before Beverly’s junior year, Richie came out as gay to the mainstream media. If not for his boyfriend at the time, Kaiden, Richie wouldn’t have said anything about his sexuality. Later on, he realized that Kaiden had been manipulating him for the entirety of their relationship. He manipulated him in small ways, whether it was convincing Richie to get raging drunk at a party or ignore a fan, or even the position in which Richie slept. They broke up a few months later, and that led to Richie’s clubbing era. 

To numb the pain, he would go out with some “friends” and do anything to quiet the voices in his mind. Cocaine, Adderall, weed, you name it. Pop a pill here, snort some powder there, and Richie was off to La La Land for the remainder of the night. 

Half-way through Beverly’s junior year, Richie overdosed on a combination of cocaine, Adderall and opioids. He didn’t want to kill himself… he didn’t mean to. He… He just wanted to escape. But, from what? Richie didn’t know. He just wanted to  _ let go. _

Richie had laid on the cold bathroom floor of the townhouse, having moved there a couple of months ago. He vaguely heard knocking, then slamming on the door, Beverly, Ben, and Bill screaming his name until Richie dozed off and Ben broke through the door. 

He woke up a few days later at the nearest hospital, surrounded by his friends, their stern, worried faces turning into soft expressions of hope when his eyes fluttered open. Richie knew he had fucked up, big time. Being the  _ responsible _ person he was, he opted to go to rehab. It was so  _ fucking  _ hard to resist the lull of drugs, the comfort he found in taking them. It had been so long since he performed stand-up, which was his natural high. He almost forgot the way he made the crowd roar in laughter, how the lights would beam down on his face, and make the world glow softly. Richie was only reminded of this when he volunteered to do a little routine for the rest of the patients at the rehab center. When he got off the stage, he knew deep inside that he couldn’t become the fuck-up that his high school teachers swore he’d be. So, he stuck to the program and continued to push through his addictions. 

Eventually, he was six months sober when Beverly finished her junior year at Berkeley. Except for alcohol. Richie couldn’t resist the burn of scotch, the way it traveled down his throat, and made him wince. It was his favorite way to relax after a show. He knew he should’ve dropped the alcohol, but it was too much to drop everything all at once. Richie lacked personal discipline when it really came down to it, and he had no self-control left over after he quit all the hard stuff. Scotch became his little secret. Still, he attended his AA meetings, feeling guilty every time he stepped into the community center.  _ How could he call himself sober when he was still sipping wine or pouring a glass of scotch? He was a fraud. Richie Tozier was a fraud.  _

Richie quit his writing job on the TV show and began to delve into writing his own material for a stand-up comedy show his team was rapidly planning. After a month, Richie finished writing his special and was booked into Radio City Music Hall. It was undetermined whether or not he would go on a tour with the piece he had written, so Steve suggested performing at small clubs and test out if he was comfortable enough to perform in front of different crowds in different cities every night. 

So, that’s how he ended up on stage in front of a bunch of wealthy Manhattaners who were drinking their eighth gin and tonic of the night and coming down from the pill they took a couple of hours ago. 

“How is everybody doin’ tonight?” Richie yelled out into the crowd, which responded with a loud cheer and a smattering of applause. 

“Have you guys called your mother recently? Huh? I know she’d appreciate it!” The crowd gave off a combination of laughter and groaning, Richie grinning maniacally, already high off the attention. He glanced over to Eddie, who was standing in the far corner. He managed to sneak him in, from a bit of pleading with the bouncer. Eddie smiled a little bit and gave him a thumbs-up. And that was all the reassurance Richie needed. 

***

The crowd stood up and gave him a roaring amount of applause, whistling with two fingers and raising their drinks to toast to him. Richie smiled and bowed a few times, waving as he walked off stage and into the small backstage area. He was met by Eddie, who flung his arms around him and kissed his cheek. “Chee, fuck, that was so good! I was trying not to laugh the whole fuckin’ time, but the second to last joke about the… god, what was it? The praying mantis in the McDonald’s drive-thru! That left me about to go run off to the bathroom so I wouldn’t piss myself.”

Richie laughed into Eddie’s hair and kissed the top of his head. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, baby.”

Eddie pulled back and kissed Richie softly on the lips. “Of course. Now how about we get some dinner, huh? Somewhere far away from this place.”

“Hell yes. I’m starving.”

The two found a Thai restaurant a few blocks from the club, still open, even this late into the night. They were seated and given menus, plenty of options for Eddie to obsess over and temporarily lose his ability to make decisions. 

“So, have  _ you _ called your mom recently?” Eddie started, flipping through the menu’s pages.

“Huh? Oh, no, I haven’t. I probably should. My parents were pretty mad with me when I left unexpectedly for New York, but I’m guessing they’ve come to terms with it. Haven’t even spoken with them when I came out publicly… not that they wouldn’t accept me though. Wentworth and Maggie Tozier are pretty liberal people. What about you, Spaghetti?”

Eddie took the water from the waitress who appeared a second ago, and gulped down a good amount, setting the glass on the table after he was finished. He looked into Richie’s eyes and stayed silent for a moment more.

“Eds?” Richie whispered, taking his hand from across the table. “You okay?”

“My mom,” Eddie’s voice cracked a bit, so he cleared his throat and tried again. “My mom’s dead.”

“What the hell? Eddie, god, I’m so sorry. Shit, I had no idea.”

“No, no, it’s okay Rich. I mean, I’ve been expecting it since sophomore year. It was heart failure. I guess it’s a condition that runs in our family. It’s okay though, Richie. I’m at peace with it.”

“When… when did it happen?”

“Um, a few months before graduation. We didn’t have a funeral… I just made sure she was buried, you know, fulfilled her wishes and all that shit.”

“Fuck, Eds. I had no idea. No fucking idea.”

Eddie squeezed Richie’s hand. “It’s okay, Rich. It’s okay.”

Richie leaned back in his chair and rubbed the back of his neck. “Since we’re being honest right now, I should probably tell you something.”

Eddie smiled, those pretty lips quirking up and making Richie a bit pink under the low-hanging light fixture. “You can tell me anything, Rich. I’m not gonna run out on you or anything.”

Richie rolled his eyes. “Ha ha. Super fuckin’ funny Eddie.”

The younger man giggled and took another sip of his drink.

“Fuck, okay. I’m not good at confessions. You clearly are though.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and set his glass down.

“So, uh, I’m just gonna get it out. I… I am a recovering addict. I got hooked on pills and cocaine and some fucked-up shit about a year ago, but I’ve… I’ve been kinda sober for six months.”

“Kinda?”

Richie wiped his hands on his pants and adjusted his glasses. “I haven’t been able to quit alcohol. I know, I know I probably should, but… getting off the hard drugs was so fucking… well, hard. Eds -- I just don’t know if I have the strength to quit drinking. You know, I really want to. I really do. I just can’t seem to do it.”

“Rich.”

He looked up to find Eddie’s doe eyes peering into his soul, his freckles bright against his cream-colored skin. Eddie was so fucking beautiful, and Richie would never get over that.

“It’s okay, Richie. I’m glad you told me this. It’s important to be open and vocal in a relationship.”

“Relationship?” The older man smirked slightly, sliding his hand across the table and meeting Eddie’s wrist.

“Um, I mean, unless you don’t want to--”

“Eddie.” Richie held his wrist and slid his other hand to Eddie’s cheek. “Of course I do. I would want nothing more than to call you my boyfriend.”

The younger man’s cheeks turned a fervent red color as he cleared his throat and met Richie’s lips half-way across the table. A small, soft kiss was placed between the two, pulling away just as quickly as he had reached over.

“But, going back, it’s okay if you don’t have the strength or the courage to quit drinking right now. Because I know eventually you will, and then I will help you quit. I promise, Chee. I’m gonna be there for you through all the fucking shit you have to go through, no matter how hard it gets. You mean everything to me, Richie.”

Richie took off his glasses and wiped the forming tears. “Fuck, man, you’re gonna make me cry in the middle of this restaurant.”

The two chuckled, Eddie’s eyes becoming a little wet as well. “I mean what I say. You’re braver than you think, Rich.”

“Not as brave as you, Eds.”

  
  


Eddie and Richie finished their meal quite quickly, grabbing a taxi and taking it over to the townhouse, with plans to watch a movie. Richie unlocked the front door and led them up the stairs to his room, grabbing his laptop and laying on the bed next to Eddie.

“Whaddya wanna watch, Eds?”

“I don’t know. Something 80s.”

“Right on. What about  _ The Shining _ ?”

Eddie snuggled himself next to Richie under the comforter, trying to steal some of his body heat. “I don’t think I can handle a horror movie right now. What about another classic?  _ Back to the Future _ ?”

“Hell yeah! I fuckin’ love Michael J. Fox. I used to have a crush on him. Still do.”

“Oh? I guess I have some competition then.”

Richie kissed the top of his head and wrapped an arm around the younger man’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, baby. Michael doesn’t compare in any way, shape, or form to you. He means nothing to me.”

Eddie let out that soft giggle and let himself be enveloped by Richie. “If you say so.”

The older man found the movie on Netflix, then set down the laptop between the two and clicked ‘play’.

The movie was riveting, as always, capturing the two’s attention with an intensity that compared to a football fanatic watching his favorite team. Always on the edge of one’s seat, but comforted by the fact that the favorite team would win, because they were  _ better. _ No,  _ the best.  _ The team would win, and Marty McFly (as well as his father) would triumph over Biff and return home with a new life waiting for him. 

So, when the movie ended, neither of them were surprised by the happy ending, since it was just an expected fact of life. Plus, they both had seen the movie multiple times, so they knew the outcome anyway. Both Richie and Eddie held hope deep in their heart, even when all odds were against them. When they were together, life seemed to glow a bit more around the softening edges, the connection between the two men becoming brighter and stronger because their hope for themselves and each other was greater than any outside force. They were drawn together, whether they liked it or not because they believed in a happy ending. On one side, it might be a childish thing to believe in, but on the other hand, it was only human of them to hope for a better future after the shitty childhoods they had. Their childlike innocence was cut out of their younger years, so they decided to mend it as young adults. It’s a beautiful thing, healing, and helping someone else heal as well. 

“1.21 gigawatts!” Richie quoted, unwrapping his arm around Eddie. The younger man frowned at the loss of contact since he was so comfortably positioned between the pillow and Richie's armpit.

“Would you like to accompany me to the kitchen for some 2 am brownies?” Richie asked, swinging his legs over the bed and standing up.

Eddie groaned and shifted his position in bed. “I don’t want to get up.”

Richie raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Beverly makes some good fucking brownies.” He moved closer to Eddie and poked him in the ribs. “You probably need it.”

Pouting, Eddie pushed the comforter and sheets off and sat on the edge of the bed, facing Richie. The other man leaned down and gave him a quick kiss, then proceeded to pull him off the bed as he had a day ago. “Come on, dickwad. No time to complain. These brownies are worth it.”

They made it to the kitchen, Eddie immediately sitting on a barstool and slouching over the kitchen counter, resting his head in his folded arms. “I’m tired,” he slurred, holding out the ‘e’. 

Richie giggled and gave his arm a soft slap. “Shut up, asshole.” He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a few thick, chocolatey slabs and placed them on a plate, which went into the microwave. After 20 seconds, Richie pulled out the gooey piles of mush, placing them in front of Eddie.

The younger man poked his head up as soon as he got a whiff of the brownies. He studied the state of the dessert and quirked his lips. “Can I have a fork?”

Richie leaned towards Eddie, his elbow on the counter. “No.”

Eddie frowned slightly. “Why not?”

“Cause I said so.”

“You are so fucking infuriating, Tozier. Give me a fork.” Eddie held out his hand expectantly, his frown deepening.

Richie leaned in closer and smiled. “No.”

The shorter man stood up in a huff and walked around the counter to find a fork. Richie quickly covered the utensil drawer with his body, crossing his arms and smirking. Eddie was not amused.

“Well, now I know where the forks are fuckface! Stupid.”

His smile brightened. “I guess that  _ may  _ be true Spaghetti, but it doesn’t mean you’re gonna get to ‘em.”

Eddie mirrored Richie’s crossed arms and looked towards the floor, sighing dramatically. He looked up with a tight scowl. “Fuck you.”

Richie just smiled bigger as Eddie settled back onto the barstool and picked up one of the brownies, taking a tentative bite. 

“Shit, that’s really good. Fuck.”

The older man moved away from the drawer and picked up the other brownie. “Told you.”

Eddie ignored him and ate the rest of his brownie, moving on to the next one.

“Did you know that chocolate is an aphrodisiac, Eds?” Richie asked, sucking the chocolate off his thumb, his eyes ardent and contemplative.

“Um, I don’t think that’s true, Rich.” Eddie looked back at Richie, noticing the way he looked at him, his eyes scathing up and down Eddie’s lithe frame, which was lounged over the counter.

Richie took Eddie’s hand and sucked on his pointer finger, swirling his tongue up and down the digit, Eddie squeaking in surprise. “I think it is true, huh?” Richie’s voice was deep and heavy with passion and sleep.

The younger man got up and walked towards the fridge. “I-I need to get some milk, uh, to wash down the brownies.” He was already beginning to blush, his cheeks and neck turning a light pink color. 

Laughing, Richie turned around to look at Eddie reach into the fridge and grab the gallon of milk, finding a glass from one of the numerous cabinets and starting to pour himself a cup. He carefully pushed off the counter and crowded behind Eddie, placing his hands on the counter on either side of Eddie’s body. 

Eddie carefully put the gallon down and twisted the cap back on, then turned around to look at Richie. 

His tongue darted out, pink against Richie’s soft lips. Pupils blown, eyes wide, glancing at Eddie’s mouth with a smugness that left Eddie’s breathing ragged and shallow. The air between the two was hot and thick, and Richie’s cock was straining against his boxers, wanting to be pressed up against Eddie.

Richie carefully moved his lips to Eddie’s neck, his breath hot against the flushed skin, but made sure they didn’t come in contact. “You gonna drink that?”

“Uhh… no.”

Two hands grabbed tight onto Eddie’s hips and pushed him upwards, jolting him onto the counter. Finally, the tension was broken and Richie dived into Eddie’s mouth, opening his lips and breathing heavily into his small mouth. Sweet relief flooded Eddie’s body, and he gave into Richie’s tight grip on his hips. He threaded his fingers into Richie’s curls, pulling slightly and making Richie moan softly. 

They kissed, sweet and soft, but still with the enthusiasm of being able to grab and hold tightly to each other with no need for release. Eddie parted his lips and Richie’s tongue dived in, licking the back of his teeth and making a home in the younger man’s mouth. He held tightly to his hips, slipping his hands under the pajama shirt and palming the warm skin. 

“Fuck Eddie, you make me so goddamn horny.” Richie’s voice was deep and choked, a growl in the back of his throat. He ran his tongue against Eddie’s lips and made the boy moan softly.

“Keep it in your pants, will ya?” Eddie retorted, pulling harder at Richie’s hair. This yearned a deeper growl, which made Eddie giggle and kiss the corner of his boyfriend’s mouth. 

“You know that I have no intention in doing that, right?” He kissed his jaw, then made his way down his neck and sucked at the spot just behind his ear.

“Uhn, y-yes.” Eddie moved his small hands down Richie’s neck and felt the heated skin beneath his palms, rubbing his fingers over the bones that made the top of his spine. Richie made quick work with the hickey, making sure a mark would be visible the morning after. 

Richie then unexpectedly rubbed Eddie’s cock, which made him jolt and knock the glass of milk over with a sharp twist of his elbow.

“Oh, fuck,” the older man whispered, grimacing as the milk silently dripped over the counter.

Eddie pulled Richie into a quick kiss. “Upstairs. Now.”

Richie quirked an eyebrow. “Oh, a rebel? Not even gonna clean up the mess you made?”

“You’re the one who made me tip it over, dipshit.”

“Fuck you, Kaspbrak. Still, getting yelled at by Bevvie is worth it if I get to have sex with you.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Richie grabbed Eddie’s hips tighter and pulled him off the counter. Eddie squeezed Richie’s neck and wrapped his legs around his waist, nestling into the crook of his neck. The older man bounced up the stairs, which made Eddie giggle and press his body closer to his boyfriend. Richie was considerably bigger than Eddie, in height and stature, his previously wiry arms now built up with muscle, and the same with his legs. Still, he walked around like a skinny teenager, hunching over, not because of low self-esteem or a lack of confidence, but because he never took the time to really look at himself in the morning. He never stood up and realized the way he had changed, how his face was already marked with age lines, chest with hair that seemed ungrowable years ago. Even at 22, Richie had gone through serious stress that left him looking older than someone should, at his age. He felt young. He felt 16, on the very brink of reality itself, questioning his place in existence and what the fuck really mattered. Maybe the answers were in front of him all along, and he was just too fucking blind to see. Like one of those plotless rom coms where the right guy for the girl was the one that had been there for her the whole time. Not the hot jock that she idealized for the past few years, but the man who had been her best friend for as long as she could remember. Maybe things were simpler than they appeared… maybe Richie’s purpose was under his nose the whole time. Maybe even in his arms.

Richie snapped back to reality when he gripped the cool steel of the door handle, pushing the door on squeaky hinges to reveal the room. He tilted Eddie’s head away from his body and stared into those caramel brown eyes that flicked some kind of switch in his head, opening up some window or door that let all the emotions Richie kept himself from feeling flooding in. They crashed through the halls, sloshing through the townhouse, quickly filling up the kitchen and living room and rising up to the second level. Finally, they reached Richie’s room and washed only him, carrying Richie from Eddie’s arms and into the sewers below New York City. 

“Rich?” Came a voice, striking through the haziness of his mind, letting a bit of sunlight peek through the closed blinds.

He came back to reality and smiled widely, holding Eddie tighter than what one would think humanly possible. “I love you, Eds.”

Eddie blinked in surprise, then smiled softly, eyes lighting up. “I love you too, Chee. You know that.”

“Yeah, I know. Just wanted to say it, out loud. Cause, I do. I love you. I love you so fucking much, Eddie. Like, I think it may be killing me. I might be dying because I love you so much. But, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take too. I… I would do anything for you, Rich. You know that. I love you too. Now, can we get down to business?”

Richie laughed abruptly and gave Eddie a quick peck on the lips. “Yes, yes we can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still have so much to write... i forgot about how many changes I still want to make to the whole friend group. let's just say, not everything works out.
> 
> anyway, have an amazing day!! go for a run, or eat a yummy breakfast, or maybe make the first move with that person you've always admired. you only have one life, so it's up to you to make the best of it.
> 
> love ya and thank you for reading!


	10. don't look the other way / you're gonna have your say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from “the morning” by eels
> 
> hello! i just got back from vacation and I'm finally putting up the next chapter :) I wrote it before I left, but didn't have the time (or motivation) to post it. but, I'm here now to finally get it out. it's a bit shorter than my usual chapter lengths, but oh well.
> 
> anyway, enjoy!

Mike had always been in the habit of waking up early and going on a run, since junior year of high school. He didn’t particularly enjoy it since it was pretty strenuous on his muscles and lungs, but he felt accomplished when it was over. He either ran on the back roads of his grandfather’s farm or on a twisty path through the sweet-smelling orchard that was proudly maintained by the few farmhands. Sometimes, after his legs gave out and his breathing became too heavy, he would stroll among the trees and pick a few apples and admire the tough, hardened oak, as well as the limber, stoic birches. Mike liked to give the trees little personalities, imagining the going-ons that occurred after night had fallen and no humans were in sight. He snickered and shook his head, thinking himself crazy for the hundredth time that week. 

He didn’t quite know what running in a big city would be like, but he was willing to take the risk and try it out. After twenty minutes, he found himself cruising down city streets and sidewalks along the Hudson River, once again admiring the landscape that rose high above him. It made him feel small in the vast expanse of the universe, but the feeling was comforting, not lonely. He was just another cell in the living organism of New York City, carrying out his duties and playing his part so everything could function as it was supposed to. 

Another feeling was creeping on him too. It was like a piece of food stuck in the back of his throat, not even budging when copious amounts of water were swallowed in attempts to dislodge it. It was his shadow (now visible since the sun decided to make a surprise appearance in the autumn morning) flitting through the grass and the trees as Mike ran hard, pumping his arms and slamming his legs on the ground. Finally, he came to a stop by a water fountain, and let the emotion slam into him, reverberating throughout his body and making his head throb. 

Guilt. He fucking hated it. He wanted to crawl out of his skin and make a home somewhere else, for this itching annoyance was creeping into every aspect of his life, crowding his brain and distracting himself from the upcoming school year. School started only three days from today. It was Friday, in the middle of August, and school would start on Monday.  _ Fucking surreal. Wasn’t I just a freshman? Wasn’t I just meeting Bill and Beverly and Richie and Ben and… _

His throat became tighter.  _ Fuck _ . 

Mike remembers the night he proposed to Stan. He had it all planned out; the ring was purchased, the picnic was all set up, and his anxieties higher than he thought possible. The two went out to the orchard and talked and laughed about nothing while snacking on bread and cheese and a small bottle of wine. It was absolutely amazing, and Mike was deeply in love with Stanley. And when the love of his life said ‘yes’, he knew his outlook on life was forever changed. Here, there was finally someone who he could spend the rest of his life with. They would walk down the aisle together, buy a house, go through the municipal routine of marriage, and fall more in love with each other every day. It didn’t matter where they went, as long as they were together. It was perfect and beautiful and more than Mike thought his life would amount to. 

But, someway along the road, Mike felt himself slipping out of the love he had once felt. And he felt Stan slipping too. It was gradual, quiet. Creeping upon the two in the middle of the night. One morning, Stan looked at Mike with such heartache and anguish that he instantly knew what would happen. And so, the wedding was called off. There didn’t need to be any screaming or throwing valuable objects or packing clothes into trash bags and throwing them off the balcony. It was simple and easy. 

They had tried for so long to fix things. So long. They got an apartment together, fucking made a big commitment, hoping that everything would be okay… but it wasn’t. Mike still loved Stan, he would always love Stan, but he knew he was not the man he’d spend the rest of his life with. And he felt so fucking bad, the guilt eating away at him every time he let his guard down. But he couldn’t do anything about it. He just didn’t know how they would break it to Eddie.

***

Eddie stepped into the apartment building with a giddy smile on his face, a look he seemed to be wearing all the time. He had just taken a taxi from the ‘Townhouse of Fucking Losers’ as Richie liked to put it, after spending the night with him. Was he still blushing from that last kiss?  _ Whatever, don’t care. _

He made his way up the stairs (he was trying to burn off last night’s brownies) and turned the key into the lock and pushed the door open. 

Stan was seated in front of the counter on a barstool, while Mike was standing opposite him, looking down at the floor. Stan’s mouth was perpetually straight, the corners turned down only slightly. Mikey was wide-eyed and submissive, hunching over his tall frame. The two turned their heads while Eddie hung his keys up and shrugged off his coat. 

“Wow, you guys look dismal as fuck. Who died?”

Stan huffed and took a sip of the cooling coffee, straightening out the magazine he was previously reading.  _ Who even reads magazines nowadays? _ Mike straightened his shoulders and turned to face Eddie.

“We have some things to talk about, Eddie.”

“Oh? But, really, did someone die? I don’t want to go back to Derry right before school starts.”

Mike smiled, just a hint patronizing. “No, no one died. Stan and I… we need to share something with you.”

Eddie’s face lit up and he raised his hands above his head. “You guys finally set a date! Fuck, I was wondering when you would get around to that.”

Stan jerked up from his seat and stared Eddie straight in the eyes. He didn’t say anything, just looked at him without any real feeling or thought. If there was emotion, Eddie couldn’t tell. Mike looked about ready to cry though. He was never one for hiding his emotions. 

The curly-haired man turned around and looked towards the screen door that led towards the balcony. “I can’t do this Mikey,” he croaked, gripping the counter.

The other man’s mouth opened and closed like a fish until he managed some words. “We have to tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Eddie stood by the door, still, analyzing his friends. “What the fuck is going on?”

Mike turned back to him. “Stan and I are… we’re calling off the engagement.” A moment passes. He let out a crippling breath and swallowed back any sobs that tried to escape. “We just want you to know, Eddie, that this has nothing to do with you, and that this was something that was coming for a while now.”

Stan whipped back towards Mike, his eyes overflowing with tears, his jaw clenched tight. He looked towards the ground and then to Eddie, frowning deeply. “We tried to make things work, Eddie. But we were young, and we got swept away with the possibility of it all. There’s no doubt in my mind about the way I feel for Michael, as does he, but we figured that… that we are better off as friends. I know this might come as a shock, but trust me, it is better this way.”

Eddie shook his head and scratched the back of his neck, flicking his eyes between his two best friends. “How did this happen? You guys were fine the other day. Right?”

Stan studied Eddie’s face and sighed. The wall that he maintained for all the years Eddie knew him cracked just a bit at that moment, a quiet break in the foundation.  _ Would the castle crumble to pieces? Or would Stan patch it again, like he always did? _

“Yes, we might have been making out on the couch the other day, but that was just because we were both horny and Mike was feeling quite culpable. He’s been doing a lot of that lately.”

The other man’s eyes avoided Stan, choosing to read the forgotten newspaper upside-down. 

“I hope you know, Mike, that this situation is mutual. I’ve felt this way since Eddie graduated high school. I know you have too since you’re pretty easy to read. And of course, I… I don’t regret the time we shared. I will cherish what we had for the rest of my life. But just because I thought you were the  _ one _ a year ago… doesn’t mean that you actually are.”

Mike looked up from the counter and nervously peered into Stan’s colorless eyes. They were quite beautiful, most of the time. Little pools of silver ink that shimmered and sparkled in the sun’s light. But, occasionally, they would become unmoving, massive storm clouds. The kind of clouds that would never rain, just bring gloom and darkness. Still, they would enchant Mike until he had to look away, had to take a break from the possibilities that the other man held. 

This time, though, he didn’t look away.  _ Was it because he was no longer afraid of getting lost in them? Or because they no longer held the possibilities as they had a year ago? _

“I’m sorry I’ve been guilty, Stan. I just- I really fucking loved you, and now I don’t, and that scares me. You know? I know you feel the same way, I just don’t want to believe it. Because… you were always going to be the boy who I loved and who loved me back. And now, you’re not. And I’m not. But I still want you in my life. I still want you as my friend. Even if we find new people and move on, I still need you here, in my life. Please.”

The tears that Stanley tried so hard to hold finally spilled out, silently and reserved. His words were reduced to a blubbering mess of holding in incoherent sobs. “Of course, Mikey. You’ll always be my friend.”

Mike walked around the counter and gathered Stan just as he broke down, wailing into his best friend’s shoulder. He tried to muffle them as best as he could, but they came out nonetheless. The taller man’s gruff sobs shook Stan, his own tears falling down his cheeks and into auburn curls. 

Eddie was left to watching the two men embrace each other for the last time as lovers. He didn’t know what to do. So, he stood there. 

  
  


Stan and Mike broke from the hug a few minutes later, when they had cried a sufficient amount and managed to wipe away tears and clear throats. 

“Fuck, we have the big dinner tonight,” Mike grumbled, leaning against the counter and sniffling a bit. “Forgot about that.”

Eddie nodded and felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Must be Richie, checking to see if he got home safely and making a lewd comment all in one sentence. “So, what does this mean?” The young boy began, shifting his weight from one foot to another.

“What do you mean?” Stan returned to his seat and rubbed away any previous emotion, taking a sip of cold coffee that made his face scrunch in distaste. 

“Like, is one of you going to move out? Or sleep on the couch? Or do I need to move out?”

“No, Eddie, you don’t need to do anything, it’s okay,” Mike said. “I’ll sleep on the couch. Good thing we invested in that pull-out.”

A smile crept onto Stan’s face. “I’ll finally be free from your version of cuddling.”

“Hey!” Mike laughed and crossed his arms. “I never meant to suffocate you that one time. You’re just so comfortable.”

He flipped the page of the newspaper. “I’ll let the jury decide that.”

“Jury? What jury? You’re not suing me, are you?”

Stan giggled and tapped his coffee mug. “All in due time, Mr. Hanlon.”

***

Eddie made his way back to his room and pulled out his phone to text back Richie that  _ yes _ , he was safe and made it home fine. His phone then buzzed a second time. He opened the message to discover a group chat created by Beverly.

**Beverly (9:34 AM):** hellooooo losers!!!!! are you ready for a night on the town?

**Richie (9:34 AM):** shut up and go back to bed bev

**Beverly (9:35 AM):** well someone’s grumpy this morning!! i guess you weren’t able to get it up last night :/

**Richie (9:35 AM):** BEVERLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Stanley (9:36 AM):** If you’re too uncomfortable to go to the doctor, Richie, I’d be happy to accompany you. :)

**Richie (9:36 AM):** fuck off

**Ben (9:40 AM):** Ignoring that previous conversation, we just wanted to tell you guys that we’re going to Ocean Empire, in Pomona. It’s a bit out of the city but the food is supposed to be really good. Everyone okay with meeting there around 8 pm? I mean, you have to because that’s when the reservation is.

**Bill (9:41 AM):** that sounds perfect!! can’t wait to see everyone there

**Mike (9:41 AM):** sounds good to me too!

**Richie (9:42 AM):** i’ll go if eddie’s there ;)

**Eddie (9:42 AM):** shut up

**Eddie (9:43 AM):** we’ll be there 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be up in (I'm guessing) two weeks, probably on a Saturday. if it's not, then it'll be fair to assume I'm dead in a ditch or having a mental crisis. one of the two. 
> 
> anyhooooo, I hope you have an amazing day and stay healthy! wear a mask (if you're in any high-case countries) and social distance!  
> thank you so much for reading, leaving a kudos, and commenting. it makes my fucking day :))))

**Author's Note:**

> also don't be afraid to comment or leave kudos, it makes my whole day.  
> i love you guys so much thank you for the support!!  
> 


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